One of the highlights of this job is the remarkably random emails I get from time to time. The following correspondance is one of my favorites. I think you might enjoy it too.
If you ever need someone to sing acoustic versions of
Killdozer songs I can hook you up with Killdozer Jr
(acoustic). Killdozer Jr (acoustic)’s resume includes
playing while slightly drunk at open mic night, as
well as in the living room or basement. Although I’m
not sure Killdozer Jr (acoustic) will be available for
Beat the Champs, you may want to keep Killdozer Jr
(acoustic) on your short list of entertainers for
That’s if you know who Killdozer is/was. Most folks
don’t. I’d recommend the songs “Porky’s Dad”
“Knuckles the dog (who helps people)” or “Man Vs.
Nature” to get better acquainted with the last great
band from Wisconsin. That last one is a favorite of
Killdozer Jr. (acoustic & electric).
Killdozer Jr(acoustic) prefers to be paid in beer.
All the best,
Dear Killdozer, Jr. (acoustic),
Thank you for your kind letter. As you probably know, I was a friend of your father, Killdozer, Sr (accordion). He could really jam, and I often thought of him as the “Maximum Overdrive” of accordion players. Getting his accordion hand mangled in that Mountain Dew machine was nothing short of a tragedy. I am glad to hear that his progeny is doing well.
I was impressed by your resume. You seem to have that “go get ’em”
attitude that we here at corporate headquarters really take a liking to. Wisconsin is known for three things, if you ask me: cheese, lakes (s***,nevermind that’s Minnesota), and the Famous Killdozers! Also snow.
Dear Johnny Goodtimes,
You are welcome for my letter. It took a great deal
of courage on my part to contact directly such a
celebrity. I am sorry for the delay in this reply,
Johnny Goodtimes, but I just finished a massive jam
I’m sorry for the confusion, but my father was not
named “Killdozer Sr (accordian)”. I think you may
have me mixed up with someone else. Killdozer Jr
(acoustic) is simply my stage name. I’m sorry for the
confusion, Johnny Goodtimes. Although my father did
once have a run-in with a Mountain Dew machine, upon
further questioning he told me that the experience was
“delicious” and had very little effect on either of
his hands(save for making one slightly colder than it
I actually know very little about Wisconsin, so I
thank you for your help there Johnny Goodtimes. I was
there once as a child and remember seeing a dead bat
and it was very hot. The weather, not the bat. I
also was made familiar with the term “electrified
fence” in a way that I don’t care to recall, Johnny
Goodtimes. I know little of their inferior lakes
(although I hear Wisconsin lakes are much deeper and
calmer than Minnesota’s), cheese or snow. Hopefully
our next discussion of these items will be a bit more
involved and detailed. Killdozer Jr (acoustic) has a
thirst for knowledge, Johnny Goodtimes.
I am pleased that you enjoyed my resume, Johnny
Goodtimes. I know that it is not quite as
accomplished as some of my contemporaries. Many have
said I’ve been skating along on the Killdozer name a
bit too long. But if given the chance, Johnny
Goodtimes, I “can do” a good show for you. Killdozer
Jr. (acoustic) has been the reason for audience
applause and disgust a handful of times before.