Alright gang, less than a week left to write your letter to Philly mag editor Larry Platt (lplatt@phillymag.com). Remember to send a copy to me (johnny@johnnygoodtiems.com) I have gotten 12 entries, and will let you read a couple of my personal faves, to perhaps give you some inspiration. Because you are going to write this letter yourself, am I right? AM I RIGHT? The first one comes from Rudolph Elway. The second from Liz. And the third is from Anthony. Enjoy.
Dear Larry,
It has recently come to my attention that despite your prominent and influential position at Philadelphia Magazine, you have decided against including Quizzo competitions in your ?Best Of? edition. Larry, I must say that I expected better from you.
I mean, you are American, right? You do realize that thousands of people living in Philadelphia are participating in Quizzo competitions all over the city each week, right? You do work for a magazine that calls itself Philadelphia, right? Are you connecting the dots Larry, or do you want me to slow it down a little bit so you can catch up? OK. You do consider people who live in Philadelphia to be American, right? So, basically we have thousands of Americans every single week who are playing this smash phenomenon game Quizzo within the confines of the very city that your fine publication is named after? but somehow that doesn?t merit some kind of acknowledgement in your ?Best Of? edition?
Obviously, now that it?s all there in front of you it makes more sense why I asked you earlier if you were American. Quite frankly sir, you?re very lucky McCarthyism is no longer fashionable or socially acceptable. If it was, your ass would be hauled in front of Congress and you would have to answer (on camera) why you have chosen so brazenly to disregard this fine, national pastime. Your personal files would be raided, your home would most likely be foreclosed upon by the bank, and you would be ostracized by friends and co-workers. Believe me pal, it wouldn?t be a picnic.
If the reason you aren?t giving coverage to Quizzo isn?t that you are un-American, I have to assume the reason is that you just honestly don?t quite grasp the magnitude of the Quizzo craze is having in our fair city. Do you realize that one of Philadelphia?s Quizzo hosts, Johnny Goodtimes, was recently voted our city?s best local celebrity in an internet poll? He beat out such mentionable names as Allen Iverson, Terrell Owens, and Donovan McNabb. You have heard of those guys, right? Good. So then maybe you can start to get a concept of the explosion we?re dealing with here. I personally alter my schedule almost daily so that I can just get a taste of some of these Quizzo hosts? table scraps. I mean, I love them.
I predict that it is only a matter of time before this Quizzo craze sweeps the nation like the World Series of Poker. When that time comes, I guess there are really only two possible scenarios that you could find yourself involved with. First, you could be the pioneering reporter who took a chance on a great pastime which is growing in popularity exponentially; the guy who showed he had some balls and threw his hat into the ring to make sure he was the guy who told the people out there what Quizzo is all about. You might really make a name for yourself.
Or second, you could just continue to sit up there in your ivory tower and cover the Pets of Philly and print personal ads, never aspiring even for a second to do something a little edgier or a little raw. You will fritter away your remaining days in relative obscurity. Sure, you?ll make a living. You?ll eke out your existence day by day, and while you may be able to afford the occasional big screen TV or trip to Orlando, Florida, will you ever really be happy? I doubt it.
So do yourself and your subscribers a favor and get your head out of your ass. You owe it to the city to cover the news, and buddy, Quizzo is news.
Letter #2 is from Liz.
Dear Mr. Platt,
For five points, answer the following question:
What cool craze and fun pastime has again been overlooked by Philly Magazine?
Is it
A. whale watching on the Delaware
B. brainstorming reasons why the Eagles don’t need TO
C. New Jersey gubernatorial candidate mudslinging
D. Quizzo
If you answered D. you are correct!!
Please reconsider this oversight. Better yet, come out for quizzo and
show us what you’ve got!
Letter #3 from Anthony
dear larry platt. best quizzo is a much needed category in your best of philly series. quizzmasters like johnny gootimes are desperate enough to get laid as is, any help you give would be truly appreciated. even subtle recognition could be the difference between a h*** and a b*** j**. johnny goodtimes
has been milking his f-list celebrity status in the area for all it’s worth, and I think his inclusion in philly mag just might put him over the top. as is, he still finds himself reading the guiness book of world records on saturday nights and maxing out his credit cards on internet porn sites. I think it’s time we got johnny a real flesh and blood girl. plus, those who attend said events, people who think uselss knowledge equals real wisdom and love to
show and spout it off would be lost without the services of goodtimes. He is as much a provider of self-esteem as any other self-help or recovery program in the area, so why discriminate? please reconsider in the future.