Stuart Scott, the worst thing to happen to sports dince the designated hitter, turns 40 today. Though I think that Nancy Grace of Court TV is slightly more painful to watch, Stuart tries his hardest every night to outsuck her, trying to take lack of originality to a whole new level. “Cooler than the other side of the pillow?” Yeah, it elicited a chuckle in 1994. Now, having heard it over 300,000 times since then, it makes me want to hammer nails into my eyes. I, like most people, enjoy sports because of the games themselves, not because some idiot is screaming “Holla at a Playa!!!” at the top of his lungs. JGT dream scenario: Ship containing multiple celebrities sinks. The only people to swim to a nearby desert island are Stuart Scott and Karl Rove, where they are stranded together for the rest of their natural lives.