What’s the Frequency Kenneth?

Dan Rather, by far the most entertaining news anchor on tv (“If a frog had sidepockets, it would carry a gun”) is no longer hosting the news. I really can’t understand why more people weren’t watching CBS News. I mean, Brian Williams? Come on! As dull as toast. OK, so with Rather, you weren’t always sure if he were telling the truth, but that was the whole fun of it. He was like this crazed news anchor who said ridiculous things and threw in a little southern flair and what seemed to me to be genuine emotion. The other guys are just robots. I think guys who walk off the set, get beat up at the DNC, and try heroine are much more fascinating in the long run than people who just show up and do a job in a dry, monotonous tone (hello, Tom Brokaw.) Dan Rather was a lot of things, not all of them good, but he wasn’t plastic, like every dime a dozen news anchor you see today (especially here in Philly). I’d rather take the real human being, warts and all. Dan Rather will be missed. As many of you know, Rather was involved in an almost unbelievable amount of strange mix ups and fights. Here’s a collection. And below I have thrown in a few of my favorite Ratherisms.

“I think you would likelier see a hippopotamus run through this room than see George Bush appoint Ralph Nader to the Cabinet.”

?I think you?re more likely to see the Pope ride through this room on a giraffe.?

?Mr. Clinton was about as relaxed as a pound of liver.?

“If a frog had side pockets, he’d carry a handgun.”

“His lead is as thin as turnip soup.”

“The vote’s been closer than Lassie and Timmy there all night long.”

“One’s reminded of that old saying, ‘Don’t taunt the alligator until after you’ve crossed the creek.'”

“No question now that Kerry’s rapidly reaching the point where he’s got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector’s at the door.”

“This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.”

“This race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a ’55 Ford.”

“…but that’s not going to happen. You can sooner expect a tall talking broccoli stick to offer to mow your lawn for free.”