Tearful Johnny Apologizes

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A pathetic Johnny Goodtimes returned to Capitol Hill this morning (wait, Capitol Hill, Capitol Grill, I just got the play on words! Just now! Seriously. I’m a moron.) to apologize to the outraged patrons of O’Neals who played quizzo last night. “Maroon 5 totally blows, I know they totally blow, and still I played one of their songs last night. It was indefensible. Yeah, I’ve played Richard Marx and Bryan Adams in the past, but at least they are amusing. Maroon 5 just f****** sucks, and there was no excuse for me to play that bulls***. This is one of the most humiliating days of my life.” A tearful Goodtimes was too choked up to finish his speech, and had to be escorted away by Tom Daschle.