Boston Blasted by Bitter Bobby Badtimes

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First of all, I wanted to say hello to all twelve Pats fans who made it down to Philorida. And I wanted to congratulate Sportscenter for rounding up another twenty Floridians and paying them $20 apiece to pretend that they were Pats fans for their post game roundup, so the set wouldn’t be completely silent. You Bostonians support your team almost as much as Oakland supports the Golden State Warriors! Way to go!

Of course, you guys have always treated your great athletes well. I mean, Ted Williams, perhaps the greatest hitter who ever lived, just loved Bost…oh, sorry. Nevermind. He hated you jerks so much that he wouldn’t even tip his cap to you after his final at bat. Well, at least you recognize that a career is built over a lifetime of achievement, not on one single play. I mean, the way you treated Hall of Famer Bill Buckner was nothing but class. Other than that he had to move out of Boston because of the way his children were treated at school. He still hates Boston. And your athletes are so creative! I mean, all those original dances they did in the end zone! Hey, idiots, either do something creative or give the ball to the referee. The mocking thing got kind of old a few months ago. No wonder Ben Franklin left Boston and moved to Philly. Creative minds don’t count for much in beantown. And one final thing, losers. Morons dump tea in the harbor. Geniuses write Constitutions.

A great job by the media, painting Terrell Owens as a selfish jerk for wanting to play in the Super Bowl on a broken foot. As he said himself, “If I was Brett Favre, you’d be calling me a warrior.” Remember the last athlete to play on a bad ankle in a big game? I don’t remember anyone calling Curt Schilling selfish. Fortunately for TO, he plays in Philly, where the fans are smart enough to come to their own conclusions, and not listen to what the morons in the press say.

Congratulations to Stuart Scott. i just heard him say, “Kooler than the other side of the pillow” for the 1,000,000th time! Don’t worry Stuart, if it’s amusing in 1996, it’s still amusing today! Kind of like “Boo-yaa!” Wow, in the world of one trick ponies, you are a Triple Crown Winner! My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware my wrath!