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Goodtimes Groupies became the first team to ever win two different quizzos in one week, as they utilized the strength of The Rock to knock off Bombs Over Baghdad, 96-86.. “Yeah, it was kool to have the Rock on our side,” said Groupie Toby Witherspoon, “But I really didn’t think he had any reason to hit that guy on the second place team over the head with the 2×4.”
Month: April 2004
Goodtimes Groupies Win at Watson’s
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Goodtimes’ Groupies were able to pull away in the final round to knock off the Bastard Children of Claire Huxtable, 93-88, at Doc Watson’s on Monday. Groupies are just a fact of life for the master quizzologist. “Yeah, they’re everywhere,” says Goodtimes. “A lot of people think that my life is just a continuous cycle of sex, drugs, and quizzo. They’re right.”**
**Johnny would like to remind kids to stay away from drugs, or they too may wind up photoshopping hot groupies onto their websites and pretending like they’re big time celebrities who score a lot of tail.
Never the Bridesmaid
Johnny’s streak of going to weddings without hooking up with a bridesmaid reached double digits this past weekend in Virginia Beach, and he ended his Saturday night sleeping alone in a chair. “Hey, almost all the girls at the thing were taken already. I really didn’t have a chance.” Not so, says Goodtime basher Goobie Treehearne. “Johnny just has no game. That worthless knowledge rap may work with the chicks in Philly, but babes in Virginia Beach could really give a shit about who the last Whig president was.” Johnny quickly fired back. “First of all, Millard Fillmore was the last Whig president. Secondly, I’d love to know what gives Goobie the impression that the worthless knowledge rap works with chicks in Philly.” At that point, local voice of reason Kix Drummond chimed in. “Listen, Johnny Goodtimes is like a rock star, except that he’s not kool, he doesn’t have any money, and he never pulls any leg.”
? of the Week
What King was known as “Longshanks”? (I’ll need a name and #, for example
Henry VIII)
Hell Freezes Over!
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Satan, sensing a chill, shot up from bed on Wednesday night and ran to his window. “When I saw snow falling,” said the King of the Underworld, “I knew that somehow, the Nation of Quizlam had avoided choking in Quizzo.” The Nation of Quizlam has always been expected to choke in the fourth round. But this week they avoided a meltdown and won handily, and Beelzebub was left out in the cold. “PGW better not start thinking they can bend me over a counter like they do Johnny Goodtimes when it’s freezing in Philly. I’m Satan, b****!”
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Popemobile Towed!
The Pope was shocked earlier today when he prepared to climb into the popemobile for a late afternoon cruise-only to discover that it had been towed! Apparently, he had left the 1998 Land Rover with the bulletproof glass in the back in a 2 hour parking space, and did not return for almost 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Pope spokesman Marco “Booger” Constantine was not pleased. “Come on, I could see towing the popemobile if he had blocked a driveway or something, but this is ridiculous. I mean the man relays messages from God to billions of people, and he can’t get a little leeway from the parking commission?”
“Absolutely not,” said Vatican City Parking Commission Chairman Michelangelo “Dusty” Ravioli. “To be honest with you, we’re a little sick of the Pope’s holier than-though-attitude when it comes to parking privileges. Did you know that he owes over $2,000 dollars in fines? Who does he think he is, Angel Ortiz?”
Constantine reported that the Pope would have no choice but to cruise Vatican City in his 1989 Ford Festiva L. “It’s not the best thing going, but it does get great gas mileage as well as FM radio. The front end has a little dent from where we had an incident at the post office a few years back, but other than that she’s in pretty decent shape.”
The Pope declined an offer from Ford to do a radio ad for the Festiva.