Shocker at Nick’s!

nicks_02_04 (Custom).jpgAn outrage has followed last nights quizzo at Nick’s Roast Beef. I Want My M-Tit-V won with the only 100 point contest of the week, but the buzz was about the halftime show. At the conclusion of a duo between he and Janet Jackson, Johnny Goodtimes ripped off her bra, exposing her nipple. “For this to happen twice in four days is just ridiculous,” said CBS spokesman Randolph McDanolph. CBS was covering Quizzo live at the time of the incident, and just over 70 million were tuned in. Goodtimes was flabbergasted. “Seriously, this time it was a wardrobe malfunction. She was actually supposed to rip my pants off, but when she reached over to do that, her bra fell off. It’s really just a huge coincidence.” McDanolph added that live TV programming is just too risky, so CBS will be going off the air for good next Wednesday, and concentrating on radio programming.

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Sloe Gin Quiz Wins Thriller

docwatsons_02_02 (Custom).jpgSloe Gin Quiz was able to fight off I’m Gonna Have You Naked by the End of This Round in exciting fashion on Monday at Doc Watson’s, 99-98. The squad was then able to recruit two cuties for the victory photo. “It wasn’t hard. We told them we were a boy band,” said Rex Pocahantes. “We obviously look like one.”

Beware My Wrath!

First of all, I would like to thank the crew at the Bards for their stirring rendition of “Happy Birthday.” That being said, it’s time to start bashing. At O’Neals, everyone knew it was my birthday, but nobody offered me a drink. Everyone starts next weeks game with -5 points. What’s with this Janet Jackson uproar? These idiots who are screaming about it don’t care that every other tv and movie trailer features somebody getting blown up or shot, but all of a sudden our children are going to grow up to be bad people because they saw a split second of Janet Jackson’s boob? Also, was I the only one hoping against hope that Willie Nelson was going to wheel around and kick Toby Keith in the nads during their pregame duo? Boy, the Sixers look good. Oh, yeah, did you see the people of Boston have a ticker tape parade yesterday? And then, come next October, they’re going to be crying about how they’re “cursed” when the Red Sox choke again. Almost makes you want to root for the Yankees. But not quite. By the way, there has been a lot of booing for some of the winners lately at Quizzo. And I think that’s great. It’s becoming a true Philadelphia institution. Also, nice touch at the Bards on Tuesday. When some idiot shouted out an answer, the players began chanting, “A**hole, a**hole,” in Duke student-section style. However, I was not pleased when that same chant was turned on me moments later when the players didn’t like one of the questions. Everyone at the Bards starts next week with -5 points. If you have any personal vendettas, or would like to blast me, just click on comments and go for it. Until next week, I am Johnny Goodtimes. Beware my wrath!