3 Simple Ideas That Will Make the Olympics 100 Times Better

It’s been a fun Olympics, from watching Phelps swim to Bolt run to American swimmers in brawls at gas stations. But there are ways to make it even better. And a big part of that is getting rid of a bunch of worthless shit events in the Olympics and replacing them with things that are cool. I mean, seriously, an some 60 year old hedge fund manager from London who can make his sailboat go fast gets the same medal that Bolt and Phelps get? Ridiculous. Somebody who makes a horse stand still gets a gold medal? Absurd. Here then, are some sports, that should be taken out and what they should be replaced with.

TAKE OUT-Sailing. Nobody cares. Seriously.

PUT IN-Breakdancing. Have you ever been to Battery Park and not seen a crowd gather around the breakdancers? People love breakdancing, and those dudes are sure as hell athletes (unlike sailors. Sailors!) This came to me when watching the floor routine the other night. Some moves very similar to breakdancing, but breakdancing has much better music.

TAKE OUT-Dressage. Good Lord. Nothing more captivating on TV than watching a horse not move.

PUT IN- Horse diving. Who wouldn’t watch this?

414987266_90688993f7_bTAKE OUT- Golf. I mean, seriously, why did they add this? “Gee whiz, what could we do to make the Olympics more boring? Oh I know, we’ll add golf!”

PUT IN- American Football. Now we can settle it once and for all: who’s better at football, us or Equatorial Guinea?

I am pretty sure that 100% of you agree with all of those points above. Because they’re right.


  • PalestraJon

    If you really want the quintessential NY street game, it’s got to be 3 Card Monte.

  • Ben

    Take out “Hand Ball,” this is what 14 year olds play in the back of the classroom during sex ed, not an olympic sport. Put in Baseball. Half the world plays it! Really sorry Croatia could give a rats ass about it, but it’s probably because they played too much handball growing up.