Johnny Goodtimes

The QPR computer received an extensive upgrade this past week, and now is more powerful than ever. We are even able to save the rankings on floppy disk! 

1. Steak Em Up. Kenney defects to the Dysfunktion, who knock off the Steak, and yet they regain the top spot. The new computer apparently awards teams who play fair. Last week #2
2. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics. The Diabetics win their 5th in a row. Bounty Bowl this week! Last week: #1
3. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion. The addition of Kenney, if permanent, would probably mean that the Dysfunktion would become the best team at the Bards. Last week: NR
4. The Jams. They maintain the 4th spot by a single point at the most competitive venue on the tour. Last week: #4
5. Lambda. Are these guys in training for Quizzo Bowl? They have been starting to creep around O’Neals on Tuesday nights here and there, and scored an impressive 113 this past week.
6. Unusual Suspects. A come from behind win at the Black Sheep, enabled by a perfect Round Four, lands them in the 6 spot. Last week: NR
7. Ivan the Trivial. A 2nd place finish comes on a week that a lot of teams have big wins, thus dropping them 4 notches. Last week #3
8. Quiz on Your Face. One point is the difference between a top 10 ranking and a Top 5 ranking. Last week: NR
9. Catcher in the Rye. Perfect through three, this two man team answers 37 out of 40 questions correctly, but fall in the 4th to Unusual Suspects at Black Sheep. Last Week: NR
10. Magnus ver Magnusson. Remain in the Top 10 with a third place finish. Another 3rd place this week and they’ll be in the “Also receiving votes” category. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Last week #8

Also receiving votes: Catdog, Axis of Evil Knieval, The Ear, Duane’s World, 1022, Claudia Kishi Fan Club, Joe Spectre, Why Can’t Us, Phillie RNs, 4th Estate, Same Name as Last Week.

Our family has an annual tradition of getting together with the family of my dad’s college roommate for the Super Bowl. My dad and his buddy Ron have watched every Super Bowl since Super Bowl III except for one when my mom was sick. Unfortunately, it looks like this year might be a wash due to this snow. So I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. Anyways, here’s a quiz on Super Bowl goats I think you might dig. Oh, and I’m rooting for the Saints. You?

First Place: Steak Em Up 104

2nd Place: Not at the Table Carlos 82

3rd Place: Axis of Evil Knieval 79

First Place: L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 107

2nd Place: Quiz in My Pants 94

3rd Place: Oprah’s Book Club 82

First Place: Unusual Suspects 108

2nd Place: Catcher in the Rye, Starring Taylor Lautner 104

3rd Place: 4th Estate 104

First Place: The Jams (repped by Super Squibb) 104

2nd Place: Quiz on Your Face 103

3rd Place: Magnus ver Magnusson 99

First Place: Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 116

2nd Place: Steak Em Up 107

3rd Place: Joe Spectre 97

First Place: Lambda 113

2nd Place: Ivan the Trivial 104

3rd Place: Einstein Disguised as Robin Hood 90

In honor of that peculiar Philly Institution, the Wing Bowl, this week’s Wild Card Round was “Wings”. See how you do.

1. Who has won the most Wing Bowls?
2. Who released a song called Little Wing in 1967? 
3. Ahoy, sailor.  This bar in Buffalo claims to have invented the chicken wing in 1964.
4. Who was the lead singer for Wings?
5. What two men are credited with creating the Wing Bowl?
6. This woman starred in the film in An Officer and a Gentleman.
7.  Who were the two actors who starred as brothers on the show Wings?
8.  What was the first name of the lead vocalist for the band Winger?
9. Bette Midler recorded the song Wind Beneath my Wings for this 1989 movie.
10. What sport boasts a team called the Philadelphia Wings?

(more…)

Every year around Wing Bowl time I like posting the story I wrote a couple of years ago for the Metro about Wing Bowl (it’s posted below), and how mind blowingly awful the whole thing is. Here’s where they went wrong: it should have been a cheesesteak eating contest instead of a chicken wing eating contest. For one thing, cheesesteaks are local, wings are a Buffalo delight. But more importantly, you can actually keep track of how many cheesesteaks are being eaten. There is no way to tabulate how many wings someone eats, so you basically just sit there looking at ugly people on the Jumbotron with grease on their face. It’s so stupid. A Cheesteak Bowl I could get behind. That’s what they should do next. The Wing Bowl has had its day. But it’s kind of tired and old. And gross. Here’s that Metro piece I did. 

Emotophilia is a sexual fetish in which an individual is aroused by seeing other people vomit. And the largest congregation of emotophiliacs in the world assemble annually for Wing Bowl, hoping that their perverted desires are met by gargantuan wing-eaters and scantily clad strippers. These emetophiliacs are predominately angry men embittered by a lifetime of following Philadelphia sports teams (I am going to coin a new term here: emeto-masochists). A smattering of scantily clad sirens, hoping to get a quick rush of self esteem by exposing their greatest assets, populate the arena as well.

 I arrived on the high one gets by staying up all night with friends, ready to tackle a new and unusual experience, combined with a fair amount of alcohol. We entered the arena, and as our buzzes wore off, our eyelids began to gain weight. That is because Wing Bowl is a 15 minute event stretched into a 2 ½ hour spectacle. The contestants’ lap around the arena floor takes an interminable amount of time. The first couple of guys to enter gain a fair amount of attention due to their scantily clad escorts, who occasionally satisfy the crowd’s incessant chants of “Show your wrists*!” It is initially amusing, but after you’ve seen the first eight pairs of fake wrists, you’ve seen them all.

Then as the crowd begins to to doze off, the Jumbotron displays the highlight of the 2001 Wing Bowl, when a losing contestant released a torrent of vomit that rivaled anything you emitted on your most drunken night of college. And the crowd goes wild, their emetophilian desires met.

I began to fall asleep, until a fan angrily screamed at to “Wake the heck up**!” (Apparently, I was sullying the integrity fo the event by falling asleep.) And so I awoke to what seemed like Dante’s seventh level of hell: slothful men, surrounded by women of vice, cheered on by the types of people who root for career ending injuries in football games, my faith in humanity irreparably damaged.

*Ok, so they were chanting something that sort of sounds like wrists. And the guy next to me chanted this at least 400 times, without ever uttering another sentence.

**He did not use the word “Heck.”

That’s right, folks, it’s on. Quizzo Bowl VI will be brought to you at the Theatre of the Living Arts on Saturday, March 20th at 8 p.m. sharp. We will have many more details in the coming days and weeks, but for now save the date. Tickets should go on sale next week. If anyone is interested in helping to sponsor the event, please let me know. This is a sweet venue. This is gonna be fun.

Hey kids, sorry I’m running so late, but I decided to celebrate my birthday by sleeping in. I then went to Paesano’s for lunch. They just opened the new one in the Italian Market today, and I dare you to try it and not come away thinking that it’s one of the best sandwiches you’ve ever had.

I then went and talked to this mysterious Quizzo Bowl venue I’ve been talking about lately. We are very close to striking a deal. Basically, at this point, we are just waiting to hear how much tables will cost. If it’s nothing too outlandish, I hope to have an announcement in the next hour. As for quizzo tonight, we start off at the Locust Rendezvous at 6:15 p.m., then move on to the Black Sheep at 8 p.m. Hope to see ya tonight, and hopefully I’ll have a Quizzo Bowl update soon.

A Denver blog called the Westword found itself on the front page of Digg.com today, helped no doubt by the star power of a certain Philly quizzo team. Good article, and most importantly, all of the questions from Geek Bowl are posted. See how you do, and then tomorrow I’ll tell you which ones we got wrong. 

 The loudest, rudest, shit-talkingest team of all (Trust Us, We’re Doctors) came all the way from Philadelphia to prove their mettle — a long way to come just to show that you can outgeek the mountain west geeks.

And bragging rights were all the shit-talking Philly geeks were really gunning for — even if they took first place they’d be down $300, they admitted. So team leader and self-professed “hype man” Johnny Goodtimes put together an all-star team of Philly quiz kids (Goodtimes runs his own quiz company out East), started an epic flame war on the Geeks Who Drink blog and flew out to test his mettle in the Mile High City…By the end of the night, the quiz skills of Trust Us, We’re Doctors proved to beslightly less impressive than their shit-talking skills. Outdone by the lack of what Goodtimes called “traditional quiz classics” and the speed of the quiz, which left them unable to exercise their acknowledged team strength of talking out the answers, the final standing found them out of the money, barely. Fourth place was to be their legacy, a true “agony of defeat” sort of standing.

“That’s the worst possible finish,” Goodtimes said. “I’d rather finish 75th than fourth”

Pennsylvania’s fearless prognosticator is Punxsutawney Phil. What is the name of the groundhog that predicts the weather on February 2nd in Ohio?