Korsakoff’s Drinking Buddies had big smiles on their faces after quizzo at Doc’s on Monday. But it wasn’t just because they won, but also because of what they won-a cruise around the town with Debra Lafave! But those smiles turned to frowns a few hours later. “We were a little too old for her,” said Jeff Studkowski.

A couple of hot chicks were able to disprove the naysayers at Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night, as they set a new Photo Hunt record, scoring over 280,000. “This is a great day for hot chicks,” said Johnny. “I mean, a lot of people think that just because you’re hot, you can’t pick out five inconsistencies on two similar pictures of scantily clad men. This rocks that theory.” Johnny went on to say that neither chick seemed real interested in getting to know him better.

What was the name of Tonya Harding’s ex-husband who helped her take out Kerrigan?

The Goat Asses were able to get over the proverbial hump at Nick’s on Wednesday and win their first Johnny Goodtimes Spectacular. But Johnny was able to break the biggest news story in Philly this week, as it was discovered that Mary Kate Olsen, or Ashley, or Mary Ashley, or whatever the hell her name is who blows chunks or starves herself or whatever to lose weight was rehabbing at Nick’s. “We’ve got her eating three roast beefs a day, and she’s already put on like four pounds,” said Nick R. Beef, owner of the establishment. “She should be back to totally sucking in no time.”