Enjoy!


Later in the interview, TO said, “I always had a good relationship with my quarterbacks.” That’s not a joke. He actually said that. It reminds me of the time that Hitler said, “I’ve always had a good relationship with dwarves and gypsies.”

The Scoreboard, brought to you by Pirates.

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O’NEALS

  1. Young, the Old and the Restless 107
  2. History’s Greatest Monster 99
  3. Dork Sided 76
  4. I Got Nothin’ 74
  5. Cornbread Mafia 67

BARDS

  1. Gang Bang Mechanics 104
  2. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 103
  3. Hurtin Bombs 102
  4. Sofa Kingdom 97
  5. But Why is the Rum Gone 94

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. Anchors Away! (aka the Jams) 110
  2. River of Rocks 102
  3. 1022 101
  4. Ms. Thangs 97
  5. Snuffaluphagus Mindf*** 92

BLACK SHEEP

  1. A Map of Hawaii 102
  2. Duane’s World 99
  3. Weapons of Ass Destruction 97
  4. Naptown Hustlers 95
  5. Baron Munchausen 94

GOOD DOG

  1. Fort Awesome 79
  2. No Talent Ass Clowns 71
  3. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 70
  4. Sarcastics 68
  5. My Girlfriend Can’t Wrestle 68

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 104
  2. Hurtin Bombs 95
  3. Ginger Kids 77
  4. Nigel Tufnel’s Clam Caravan 76
  5. Gay Divorcees 69

Is the Mummers Parade Racist?

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Philebrity seems to think so. The controversy stems from the fact that (as noted in an excellent City Paper cover story) Space 1026, a hip artsy commune, decided to put together a Mummers troupe this year. Excellent, fun idea, right? Most people thought so. But local hipster king Joey Sweeney was a little disappointed that hip youngsters were joining in what he sees as a racist, homophobic black eye on the city. Then after a number of people stood up for the 1026 kids and the Parade in general, he went back out and really decided to rail against the Mummers Parade. This is where it gets fun: Lord forgive us, but it’s always been plain as day to us that the culture of Mummery is just another one of those places where Philly’s ugly ghosts hang out. After all, a parade that began in blackface can only ever get so far from its roots. (Don’t believe that people haven’t forgotten this? Go ask some black people what they think of the Mummers Parade — a black troupe has not marched since 1929.

For JGT’s take on the matter, click below (Warning. This is the part where Johnny gets self righteous.)

Continue reading “Is the Mummers Parade Racist?” →

“Where’d You Get That Hamburger?” Round

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Here’s the wild card round from last night’s quizzo. I tell you the burger, you tell me where it came from. All of these are chains and more or less all are fast food. Answers after the jump.

  1. Slyders
  2. Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster
  3. Big Buford
  4. Monster Thickburger
  5. Sourdough Jack
  6. Big N’ Tasty with Cheese
  7. The Stacker
  8. Route 66
  9. Stack Attack
  10. Double Double

Continue reading ““Where’d You Get That Hamburger?” Round” →

Around the Horn, brought to you by Fabio and Steve

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The American Gladiator meltdown

Earlier this week, I talked about the meltdown one of the contestants had at the end of American Gladiators. Well, I uploaded it to youtube. A few things to look for: First of all Toya (in the red) must have landed on her face like 10 times over the course of this event. I showed a couple of them at the start. Then, she just keeps falling over and over on the treadmill, as the woman in blue gets closer. Finally, she employs the worst strategy I’ve ever seen employed in an athletic endeavor: she just lies there, unmoving, and apparently hopes that this is all a bad dream. Finally she gets up and falls on her face again. By now she has been passed, and mercifully, the treadmill gets turned off so she can finish without another faceplant. To no avail, b/c when she breaks thru the wall at the very end, she apparently doesn’t realize there is a 10 foot dropoff, so she tumbles face first and doesn’t even brace her fall, landing directly on her face yet again.

JGT Almost gets in a Fight on New Years Eve

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I don’t know what it is about the holidays and me almost fighting steakheads, but it happened again on New Years Eve. The scenario: I’m at a party in the Art Museum area on the first floor, which has a small outdoor area, one just big enough for a beer pong table. Most of the people at said party are in their late 20s, early 30s. There is also a party going on on the third floor, where most of the partyers are hovering around 21 years old. Well, the upstairs had an ice luge (a block of ice that you can pour shots of liquor down) on their outdoors deck, so some of the first floor revelers made a dash upstairs and began drinking from this luge. Apparently the youngsters weren’t so keen on this behavior. But they seemed pretty friendly overall, and the two sides seemed to get along fine. Then, at around 3 a.m., a young lady and myself were playing another mixed duo at beer pong. Suddenly something dropped from the heavens and went splat on the beer pong table. I looked ahead. It was a jello shot dropped from the third floor balcony. No big deal. We continued to play, but about thirty seconds later a loud crash on the table. Some idiot had thrown a beer bottle. I looked ahead at my male opponent, who we’ll call Nitro, and said, “Let’s roll.” We dashed up the stairs and blasted into the party completely agged out (and, I must admit, a little bit out of breath. I drank a lot of eggnog over the holidays). “What the f***!!!!!” we screamed in unison.

Continue reading “JGT Almost gets in a Fight on New Years Eve” →

Zinger!

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In answer to the Round Four question, “What group, supported by Allen Ginsberg, advocates legalized sexual relationships between adult males and underaged boys?” one contestant at the Bards shouted out, “The Catholic Church.” (The correct answer was NAMBLA.)