On our pantheon of people we don’t like, hipsters fall somewhere between New Jersey drivers and Boston Red Sox fans. So we were tickled pink when we saw that a few of them in Francisville got strong-armed by the police a few days ago. After a search of their shelled out home, the cops quickly concluded that they were more than mere hipsters, they were possible terrorists. “They’re a hate group,” (Police Captain Dennis Wilson) asserted. “We’re trying to drum up charges against them, but, unfortunately, we’ll probably have to let them go.”

Of course they are a hate group. They’re hipsters. They hate everything. They hate fun, they hate sports, they hate people, they hate laughter. They are the walking definition of a hate group.

My suggestion for the “Francisville Four”? Go back to listening to the Puffy Doorknobs or whatever random band you’re going to love for the next 15 minutes before you suddenly decide that they’ve sold out for playing in a venue that has electricity and then hate on them over the Champagne of Beers at Johnny Brenda’s. And shave that damn beard off. It’s summertime, fool.

RELATED: Our prediction? Philebrity hosts some sort of Belle and Sebastian dance party fund raiser for these clowns.

Alright, here’s the deal on Saturday. If you are in town, you wanna go to this. Seriously, it’s gonna be fun. And yes, they will be serving alcohol. The Solstice Spectacular starts at 3 p.m., and rolls on all night long. I’ll tell you about the quizzo first, then discuss some of the other fun stuff going on.

WHO: You and me, fool. Plus there is a pianist between rounds.

WHAT: Summer Solstice quizzo. Yes, it will be a themed quizzo, with Summer as the obvious theme.

WHEN: Saturday night at 10 p.m.

WHERE: Kimmel Center. It’s that building on Broad Street with the big windows.

WHY: Why not? Also, I am in discussions with them about doing Quizzo Bowl V there, and it will definitely work in my favor if we get a good turnout for this.

PRIZES: Got 4 airline vouchers from American Airlines to give away, plus several tickets to upcoming Kimmel Center concerts and events.

TICKETS: Get ’em at the door. $10 pays not just for quizzo, but for all the stuff going on all day and all night. A few highlights:

• 3:15 p.m. GIVE AND TAKE JUGGLERS.
• 6:30 p.m. PHILLY POPS FESTIVAL BRASS.
• 8:30 p.m. BRAZILIAN FESTIVAL.
• 10 p.m. QUIZZO
• 12 p.m. DJ SPINDERELLA. Yes, that DJ Spinderella. Will Johnny be performing “Whatta Man” at this event? There is only one way to find out.
• 2 a.m. HYDROGEN JUKEBOX CIRCUS SIDESHOW: The Hydrogen Jukebox Circus Sideshow ensemble began as a small a rock band but has grown to incorporate dancers, poets, puppets, live painting, comedy, fire art and more. Did someone say puppets and fire? I’m in.

There a ton more stuff going on too. Click here to check out the full schedule.

It’s funny because it’s true. Basically the story of my trip to Mexico in 2004. Thanks to Elvira for sending this in. If you see something funny, drop me a line.

It’s a personality test based on the Myers-Briggs that will tell you what kind of personality you have. I am dying to see what it says about you guys. I am an ESFP. Please take the test (takes probably about 5-7 minutes) and then post your results below. Word.

Swung by the Mojito Olympics at Rum Bar at 6 p.m. last night, where Trivia Art was a judge. I’m not gonna lie. I really had limited interest in watching people muddle mint, I just wanted a free Mojito. Hung there for about an hour, then headed over to the Khyber for the Dirtiest Sketch Competition. I’ll be honest, it was extremely disturbing. Beyond tasteless. (If you want to see the one that NOT SAFE FOR WORK! won, go here and scroll down. Please be warned, it is extremely disturbing and not at all safe for work. Seriously.)The sketches were pretty insane (my favorite was a bad 1950s B-Movie spoof, complete with terrible acting and a sex crazed robot), and it was also great to hang out with Philly legends Scott Johnston and the Legendary WID. The WID had a anti-theft device on his bike that was revolutionary. It consisted of 1) a rope and 2) that’s it, just a rope. His bike was not stolen. Had the Brooklyn Summer Ale, btw, which was delicious. And even got home at a reasonable hour.

Dunno if you’ve seen this, but it’s pretty good. The guy who did it, Jon Lajoie, also came out with a part two. Thanks to Erin for sending this in. If you’ve got something that might be good to post on the site, holla atcha boy.