Scoreboard, Brought to you by the State Capitol Ceiling

picresized_th_1217838798_DSCF0793.jpg
O’NEALS

  1. Live Every Week Like It’s Shark Week 101
  2. Jeremy’s Fingers 100
  3. We Got Nothin’ 100
  4. But Why’s the Rum Gone 93
  5. Dave’s Panty Droppers 76

BARDS

  1. The Buffaloes 107
  2. Sofa Kingdom 101
  3. 20th Street 95
  4. HUrtin Bombs 87
  5. Narco Dysfunktion 86

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. Phil’s Not Here, Man 102
  2. Trust Us We Know 93
  3. 1022 92
  4. My Mom Says I’m Cool 86
  5. Dick Storm 59

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 100
  2. John Brown’s Booty 89
  3. The Axis of Evil Knieval 79
  4. Brainship 74
  5. Tommy John Wayne Arnold Jackson 74

GOOD DOG

  1. Oakwood Reformed 89
  2. Cornbread Mafia 86
  3. Fort Awesome 85
  4. Coitus? 79
  5. My Cat Weighs 45 Pounds 74

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 111
  2. Preteen Pregnancy Pact 110
  3. Team Weiss 102
  4. Jessie Spano’s Caffeine Pills 88
  5. Just the Tip 80

Barney Frank Must be Smoking the Wacky


Barney Frank has recently introduced legislation that would legalize marijuana. “What, is he crazy?” you ask. Yes. The answer is yes. Apparently Barney Frank doesn’t realize that marijuana causes people to murder their parents, listen to jazz, and hang out with Mexicans. But something tells me that there is something he isn’t counting on: the courage of his fellow Congressman, who will almost certainly strike down this law.

Bennigan’s Closing sends JGT HQ into State of Mourning

Bennigans 1.gif
Naturally, we here At JGT headquarters are distraught over the bankruptcy of Bennigan’s, our favorite Irish restaurant. No more Guinness Glazed Popcorn Shrimp. No more Kilkenny’s Country Chicken Wrap. No more “Oh Baby” Back Ribs. Remember all that fun we used to have at Bennigan’s? All the laughter? Remember that time Donnie put his baby back rib in the pitcher of Mountain Dew? Fun times, fun times. Oh well, for authentic Irish authenticity, we’ve still got Kildare’s.

Duane’s Sofa Minions of the Caribbean win Pirate Quizzo

picresized_th_1217484359_DSCF0763.jpg
A formidable squad composed of some Duane’s World guys and some Sofa’s pulled off a 107-98 win over My Nickname at School Was Scurvy Purvy at the Franklin Institute on Saturday night. Early in the contest, Johnny’s latest rival, Captain Babyface, threatened to take Johnny’s bounty from the night’s quiz. Babyface was a real nightmare, shouting out answers and using his phone during Round One before kicking Johnny’s ass. Fortunately, Johnny was taught the mystical ways of the East from Mr. Pierogie, and in a heroic final scene was able to fight off Babyface in an epic battle that has Broadway buzzing. We had a good crowd (about 60) and set a new record for most kids at a JGT event (lots). All in all a fun night, and I went and checked out the Pirate exhibit on Monday, and it was pretty cool.

Bummer ‘Bout the Hummer

geiger-h2-477.jpg
I have long said that one of the main reasons that I want a championship win in Philadelphia is because I want an excuse to flip over a Hummer from Jersey and set it on fire. Sadly, I may not get that chance. Hummers are becoming obsolete with rising gas prices, and the wonderful people that own them are having a hard time selling them. They are also being mocked when they go out in public. This is nothing short of a tragedy. Unless you’re like me, and you find a certain thrill in bad things happening to bad people. (And every single person who owns a Hummer is a bad human being. Every single one. Other than Jersey drivers, I can think of no group of people who I universally hate as much as Hummer owners. Of course, in this area those two groups are usually one in the same.)