Well, it looks like America’s favorite racist drunken whore (sorry Lindsay Lohan) is heading to the clink. And we here at JGT headquarters couldn’t feel worse about it. Fortunately, I’ve heard that being a person of extreme privilege goes over really well in jail.
RELATED: This whole thing has inspired me. Let’s have some fun with words! A shiv (from the Romani word chiv) is a slang term for a sharp or pointed implement used as an improvised knife-like weapon…A related term is shank or shift. While the words are used interchangeably, the difference is that a shank is a type of shiv that is fashioned from the metal shank of a prison-issued boot or shoe. Since inmates were able to fashion effective shivs out of metal shanks, most (if not all) prisons no longer issue footwear with metal shank…Shank is sometimes also used as a verb, meaning “To stab someone, usually with a shiv, multiple times in a quick succession.” (Wikipedia. Photo courtesy of Numbmonkey)

Got my new Philly Mag in the other day. Though Philadelphia Magazine isn’t usually that great, I do have to admit I get a little excited when I get my new one in the mail. Does that make me lame? Anyways, here’s what they’ve got in the latest one:
-The opening sections, the Pulse and the Good Life, are pretty forgettable (best handbags take up two pages of content). On one page, they plug an upcoming Scarf Tying Event. “Join us in learning the many possibilities of wearing and tying your scarves.” Wow, that sounds like a blast. Anybody know of any upcoming belt conventions?

-The Contrarian does a piece on how newspapers have become irrelevant. It’s actually a great piece, and blasts the papers for their exhaustive boy in the box coverage, which was ridiculous. Good stuff.

-The Loco Parentis thing is about how hard it is to be a mom on the Main Line. I think. I’ve never actually taken the time to read it. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this column is a must-read. Possibly.

-An article on the guy who used to in charge of 4th Street Deli who is now in charge of local zoning matters. I don’t really care much about zoning, but the article did get me thinking about Famous 4th’s cookies. Mmmmmmmm.

-A story about the Rosemount lady who created the soaps One Life to Live and All My Children. Mildly interesting to me. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this is a must-read.

-OK, now here’s the fun one. This one is about a guy who sounds so much like a douchebag that at one point in the column, the writer actually writes, “What’s most amazing about Dave Magrogan is that he’s not a roaring douchebag.” That is amazing, considering that he
A) owns Kildare’s, the ultimate douchebag bar
B) drives a Hummer, the ultimate douchebag vehicle
C) Well, I’ll just let you read this part: From there, Kildare’s is looking at spots in Baltimore, DC, Delaware, Florida, Las Vegas. Is this selling out? “Hey, there are over 1,800 Applebees. This is nothing.” He wants to be the Applebee’s of bars!

Yeah, if he’s not a roaring douchebag, it will be the most amazing thing since space flight. This is the must read column in this months PhillyMag. (That being said, I do have to admit that dude’s business acumen is pretty damn impressive. Went from broke to multi-millionaire by age 34.)

Continue reading “Johnny Reads Philly Mag, so you don’t have to!” →

–D-Mac interviews the co-chair of NORML in Philly.

-Foobooz asks, “Who has the best marguarita in town?”

-Hearty debate going on in comments section regarding music in Rittenhouse.

-Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse for the Phils, one of their starters gets injured while shagging batting practice fly balls. Garcia is not the only Phillies pitcher to ever suffer a strange injury. Before he joined the Phils, Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.

There’s a par-tay going down on Friday and I heartily encourage you guys to attend. In fact, it’s kind of ridiculous how cheap this thing is. Ten bucks for all you can drink beer, bowling, and two DJs. You can order tickets by clicking here.
Friday, May 11th, 2007
9PM – 1AM
16th & Shunk
Philadelphia, PA, USA
$10

Hey, I’m planning on heading out to the goat races in Phoenixville this weekend, and I’d really like to enter a goat. Anyone know where I can find one? Oh, and if you’re wondering where to go to see that other animal race this weekend, Foobooz tells you where you can get your mint julep on.

Excellent cover story by Steve Volk at the Weekly. I know I’m not exactly digging deep to link to a freaking cover story, but this is good stuff. Alright, I’m heading off to Jake’s Pizza on North Broad.

Alycia Lane is in hot water for sending bikini photos to Rich Eisen. Listen, Alycia,you need to stop sending photos of you in a bikini to married men. You need to start sending them to single men. Like me. My email address is johnnygoodtimes@hotmail.com. I will not contact the Post when I receive said photos. Thank you.

Way too nice outside to sit here and talk about the Mayor’s race or the Eagles QB situation. I’m gonna get the Ronnie Burger at the Exmore Diner, go kayaking for a little while, and then sit on my dads dock and do some reading. Did you people really think the life of leisure didn’t extend beyond Philadelphia city limits?

The City vs. City Smackdown will be going down on Monday, May 14th at 7:30 p.m. at Rembrandt’s (23rd and Aspen). I will be inviting teams officially to play this week. Once we see how much room we have left, I will open it up to everyone else. Tix are $10 a piece, and winner will walk with $500, plus more once if they also beat teams in other cities.

I’m hangin’ out in the Dirty South this morning, after I headed down here on Saturday. The house pictured above is the one I grew up in, though my peeps no longer live there. I am currently right across the street, though, in the Nassawadox library. My folks live down a long dirt lane where they don’t have access to high speed internet, so I went to the library (there are no coffee shops w/in 30 mile here). Anyways, questions with the photos this week will be about the DelMarVa peninsula. One guess per person. No looking up answers.