Zima is calling it quitz. Our favorite malternative iz no longer. I can’t believe they are giving up after only 15 years of abject failure. I can “clearly” zay that I have never zeen anyone drinking a Zima zince 1995. That’s why I think it waz primed for a comeback, and why dropping it now is zuch a bad idea. I mean, rich white people like it. Geez, first they cancel Crystal Pepsi, now thiz. Finally, can anyone explain thiz ZIMA commercial to me? It makez no zenze.

A man named Dimitri the Lover teaches men how to use his tricks to seduce women, and he’s speaking tonight in Toronto. This is one of those random things I just kind of stumbled onto after Steve-O sent me this link, to Dmitri leaving messages for a girl in San Francsico. (WARNING: Women, if you listen to this message, you will be helpless against Dimitri’s irresistable charms. He finds you extremely elegant. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.) Anyhow, I did some more research and came across this, an invitation to a speech Dimitri is giving tonight in Toronto. A few highlights: So the theme of our next TORONTO REAL MEN meeting is “STUFF MY STOCKING WITH HO HO HO’s”. It will feature Dimitri The Lover lecturing for 3 solid hours on WHERE to find depressed holiday sluts and HOW to approach them in a cordial yet efficient manner. Dimitri The Lover will teach you how to DETECT bored, lonely, highly impressionable shoppers, CHARM them by employing an approach which takes advantage of their “holiday blues”, SEDUCE them through the utilization of proven techniques that he has developed over time, then sexually ENSLAVE them through the employment of magical religious thought protocols.

My magical religious thought protocols have been unemployed for a little too long. Ok, so then I stumbled onto his Toronto real men website. Apparently, you have to get certified through his class and you will become a great lover and he will give you business cards saying you are certified. According to his website, his Worship the C*ck workshop courses are only $2997. What a bargain! But if you just wanted to attend tonight’s meeting, it’s only $29, and if I had a ride to Toronto, I would so be there.

UPDATE: Uh-oh. Be careful around Dimitri. He’s had some run-ins with the law and sounds a little unstable.

Something struck me as funny about this sign at the Municipal Court Building today (long boring story about taxes, I’ll tell you later). Anyways, I like the fact that apparently there has been a lot of persistent knocking on this door. Like, it’s kind of a big problem, big enough to make a sign about it. And whoever is doing the knocking just keeps on going, way longer than would be expected. And apparently, the person doing all that knocking should not come into contact with the civilian population. I’d feel like kind of a doofus if I went up to a municipal court employee and was like, “There’s some dude who won’t stop knocking on that door. I would let him in, but the sign says not to.” I’m wondering if it’s just the courts way of saving us from a landshark. Any other theories? Please post them below.

Alright, we’ve got 5 lanes down, 7 lanes remaining. If you are a solo player or a duo and want to play, shoot me a line and I’ll see if I can put a wild card team together. Please note: I know I said 8 p.m. last time but I’m moving it up to 7:30 so we have enough time to get some extra bowling in after bowlizzo is done. Also, I have decided to make it the Richard Nixon Memorial for a touch of class. For more details on the event, click here.

Here’s a fun fact for you: GM loses $1,271 every time they make a car. How is a business like that sustainable, and why bother saving it? If I had to pay the bars $20 every time they let me host a quizzo, my business wouldn’t last long. I’d hate to see so many people lose their jobs, but in a capitalist society, there is a need for business to, you know, make money at some point. How can American Taxpayers be expected to bail out a failed business that is certain to hemorrhage the money we give them every time they make a car?

RELATED: Is it the union’s fault?

• I will have Bowlizzo tickets on me tonight. Hit me up. (And oh by the way, Rakim: Quowling would be a terrible, terrible name.)
• Totalphilly is looking quite a bit better now that we dropped all the bells and whistles. Here’s something I recently did on the history of the airport, and here is something written solely to piss off Dark Horse John: Why we don’t need this stupid soccer stadium in Chester.
• Finally, in case you missed it: Yes, I do have a Spiderman wallet. I got it for $.50 at a yard sale. It’s totally awesome.

Hey y’all. Still kicking it down in VA. Decided to hang around another night, so I’m gonna cruise back up tomorrow. Had a great Thanksgiving with the fam. Played in the alumni B-ball game on Friday night, did fairly well, then hung out with a few friends from elementary school (above). Hope you guys had a good holiday too. I’ll have scores and pics up tomorrow (I accidentally left my scoresheets and my camera in Philly.) Also, announcement about bowling party coming in a few minutes.

Getting ready to hit the road to head down to the Eastern Shore. Above is a tourism video that will give you a bit of a taste of it. And yes, I will be dining at least once at the Exmore Diner. If you ever take Route 13 South, you have to eat at the Diner! For breakfast, get the SOS, and for lunch either get the Chicken n’ Dumplings or the Ronnie Burger, still the best burger I’ve ever had.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news right before the holidays, but the quizzo community lost a dear friend this past week. Trevor Pierson (above, right) of We Got Nothin’, a regular team at O’Neals, passed away this week. Trevor was known for being the Kingpin of a 2-3 man team that often knocked off teams of 8, and was almost always in the running. He also would growl down the bar when he thought my questions weren’t asked in a clear enough fashion, and he was quick to commiserate when Uncle Chollie would make a questionable decision that got my blood pressure up. Here is a remembrance of Trev from a couple of guys that hung out with him at O’Neals: In addition to being a great friend, Trevor intelligence’s never failed to impress. He’d regularly finish the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in less than an hour. He could single-handedly compete against teams of six or eight people in Quizzo. Trevor knew something about everything. He could tell you that Catfish Hunter was the last Major League pitcher to have 30 or more complete games in a season or that James Madison was the President historians called the Father of the Constitution. Trevor was the quintessential Renaissance man. (Click below to continue)

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Our first two short mysteries have been major successes, if by major success you mean we’ve wasted a lot of time doing stupid s***. But we are on the lookout for our third mystery/adventure. Perhaps a Christmas mystery of some sort? Anyways, we need ideas. If you have any mysteries, post them below. And if you haven’t seen the first two, I highly recommend them.

• Episode One of the Mystery Solvers: Johnny’s Basement.
• Episode Two of the Mystery Solvers: The Tunnel.