…hope it doesn’t bust you trying to shoot somebody. (Thanks Jeanette for sending this in. See anything wacky I should post on the site? Send it in.)

“You’re not going to go to a bar and find someone dressed like Tom Coughlin in New York.”

And good news. It’s over seven minutes long.
If you want to take a trolley that has no tracks
Then Frankford will treat you to the max
With restyled ETBs that give a smooth ride
With a style that makes you ride with pride

Ok, long story but I was in Wilmington for the weekend, and then I left my keys at a friends house so I missed my train and had to wait two hours for the next one. Anyhow, I suspect you guys were able to somehow manage without my sharp tongued witticisms for the past few hours, though it must have been tough on you. Thoughts on the game: It was damn boring for the first 3 1/2 quarters, but the last few minutes were pretty awesome. That being said, I really can’t understand people saying it was better than last year’s Super Bowl. IT WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE. Part of the reason was because this game simply had less meaning than last year’s, with the Patriots going for a perfect season. And while Santonio Holmes was awesome, there was nothing in this game which rivaled the David Tyree catch. Finally, this was a sloppy game. There were penalties on seemingly every other play, and there was no offense at all in the 3rd quarter. Yes, it was an entertaining game, but simply not as good as last year. ANother thought: Why didn’t anybody remind Kurt Warner he still had the Greatest Receiver on the Planet Earth at some point in the first three quarters? And congrats to the Steelers for getting the memo the Eagles never did: might wanna play the safeties deep. That guy Fitzgerald is pretty good at catching the deep ball. As for the commercials, they were ok. I liked the one above, the Cash4Gold with Hammer, and the MacGuyver Pepsi ad, but none of them really blew my doors. Anyhow, I’ll post pics of last week’s winners soon.

America’s most ludicrous event is going down as we speak (In fact, Koob of the SK is in one of the contestant’s entourages.) Here’s the write up I did last year for the Metro. I received a fair amount of hate mail for this one.

Emotophilia is a sexual fetish in which an individual is aroused by seeing other people vomit. And the largest congregation of emotophiliacs in the world assemble annually for Wing Bowl, hoping that their perverted desires are met by gargantuan wing-eaters and scantily clad strippers. These emetophiliacs are predominately angry men embittered by a lifetime of following Philadelphia sports teams (I am going to coin a new term here: emeto-masochists). A smattering of scantily clad sirens, hoping to get a quick rush of self esteem by exposing their greatest assets, populate the arena as well.

I arrived on the high one gets by staying up all night with friends, ready to tackle a new and unusual experience, combined with a fair amount of alcohol. We entered the arena, and as our buzzes wore off, our eyelids began to gain weight. That is because Wing Bowl is a 15 minute event stretched into a 2 ½ hour spectacle. The contestants’ lap around the arena floor takesn an interminable amount of time. The first couple of guys to enter gain a fair amount of attention due to their scantily clad escorts, who occasionally satisfy the crowd’s incessant chants of “Show your wrists!” It is initially amusing, but after you’ve seen the first eight pairs of fake wrists, you’ve seen them all.

Then as the crowd begins to to doze off, the Jumbotron displays the highlight of the 2001 Wing Bowl, when a losing contestant released a torrent of vomit that rivaled anything you emitted on your most drunken night of college. And the crowd goes wild, their emetophilian desires met.

I began to fall asleep, until a fan angrily screamed at to “Wake the heck up!” (Apparently, I was sullying the integrity fo the event by falling asleep.) And so I awoke to what seemed like Dante’s seventh level of hell: slothful men, surrounded by women of vice, cheered on by the types of people who root for career ending injuries in football games, my faith in humanity irreparably damaged.

*Ok, so they were chanting something that sort of sounds like wrists. And the guy next to me chanted this at least 400 times, without ever uttering another sentence.
**He did not use the word “Heck.”

https://youtube.com/watch?v=MO2tCBteW7U
Rakim, one of the greatest rappers of all time, turns 41 today. Happy Birthday Rakim.

Just a quick heads up that this weeks quiz will be harder than normal. I’m pretty angry about the perfect score from last week and have decided to take it out on you, the players. Therefore, I am guaranteeing that no-one scores 100 points this week, not even that girls basketball team in Dallas. Any team that scores 100 or more will get an extra $10 and their photo taken with me dejectedly handing them the money. My money and my dignity has never been safer. Brawhahahahaha! We kick it off tonight at O’Neals at 8 p.m. and the Bards at 10 p.m.

Quick update on bowling night Saturday: Our good friends at Pub and Kitchen have gotten in on the act, donating two kegs of Yards Brawler for the fundraiser. If you can find a better deal than $20 for a night of bowling and good beer, let me know about it. In case you’re wondering where 16th and Shunk is click here for a map view. It’s 3 blocks off the Oregon stop on the orange line. (North one block, west two blocks). To RSVP, click here.

When I saw the plane make the emergency landing in the Hudson last week, I thought of my good friend and quizzo regular BMT (above, red sweater), who was involved in an extremely hairy crash landing a few years ago. I asked him to relate his harrowing tale to us. Here it is:

When I lived in Boston I used to fly back and forth to the Buffalo area every other week. Like many misguided people, I was attempting to maintain a long-distance relationship which is always pointless and doomed. On one such trip I was flying to Rochester, NY but not until a lightning storm kept me sitting at Logan airport for 5 hours.

I had never been real keen on flying—-I was a jumpy, nervous psychological weakling in flight—-and so it wasn’t so much a relief when I finally boarded the plane. Because I made this 1-hour flight so frequently, I had a routine where I’d whine internally for the first 35 minutes of the flight and then get up and go to the bathroom, somehow knowing that when I zipped-up we’d be making the descent. For some reason this made me feel better.

While completing my routine, the pilot came over the PA and mumbled something I couldn’t really understand. In my mind of course, he was telling us that the wings had fallen off and that we were uncontrollably hurtling towards Earth, though in reality he was probably telling everyone about the Sky Mall or the weather. But when I opened the bathroom door and saw the passengers looking at each other with panic, I knew my fantasies about falling out of the sky were finally coming true.

Continue reading “BMT Survives a Plane Crash” →

Just a quick reminder that we’re having a bowling fundraiser for the Marian Anderson Rec Center where I volunteer as a basketball coach and where numerous folks from the quizzo community act as instructors in a weekly tutoring program, called the Rising Stars Program. I will have tickets to the event on me all week. They cost $20 and include all you can bowl and all you can drink. We’ll have snacks available as well. The party is this Saturday at 7 p.m. at St. Monica’s Lanes in South Philadelphia. 100% of the proceeds will go toward supplies, repairs, and field trips. Hope you can make it! TO RSVP, click here.