Sorry gang, but my photoshop guy got a real job, so it’s hard to get these done properly on Friday. I’ll try to learn photoshop, but keep in mind, i’m really dumb.

Here’s a real strange site dedicated to Martha Stewart.

Johnny will be performing stand up at the Laff House on Friday, September 17th at 6:00 p.m. The Laff House is located at 221 South Street. Tickets are $10 cheap, and 30 cents out of every dollar you spend goes towards the “Johnny’s Kids Foundation”, a charity Johnny set up to help Gavril Princip’s great-grandchildren overcome the ostracism felt at school because their great-grandad killed Franz Ferdinand*.

*A quick review of the records shows that no such Foundation exists

What’s your pirate name?

There are some hilarious allegations in the Kitty Kelly book about the Bush family. I mean, I hate the Bush’s as much as anybody, but this really does sound like a load of b.s.

Having a hard time meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right? Have you ever thought of dating someone currently serving time? Well here’s your chance! In all seriousness, there are apparently some really hot chicks in prison.

If five teams score 100 points or more this week, Johnny will dress up like Ric Flair for next week’s quizzos. P.S. If you have any ideas for Johnny to humiliate himself if 5 teams score 100 points in a week, just click on comments and drop your idea.

In terrific news, some jerk who didn’t leave a tip at a restaurant now faces a year in jail!

What poet wrote the words for the Johnny Cash classic, “A Boy Named Sue?”

Doc Watson quizzo will be held at 7:30 p.m. throughout the duration of football season. By this time next year, Johnny plans to have overtaken Monday Night Football in the ratings, so nothing like this has to happen again.