Author: aetchells

Gutless Cowards Do Their Dirty Work at Home

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The spineless LA Dodgers decided to not retaliate for Manny being thrown behind while they were still in Philly. Doing so might have caused the Philly fans to hurt their feelings. So they waited a few days, until they got back to LA and had a 6-1 lead in Game 3. Then Kuroda threw at Victorino’s head in what was, let’s face it, the only interesting moment of Game 3. I really wouldn’t have minded if Victorino had responded by throwing his bat at Kuroda. Sorry, but a 94 mph fastball is a lethal weapon, and paybacks are a b****. What was Russell Martin crying about all night? He got hit with a 50 mph pillow and started smashing Gatorade coolers. What a team of sissy punks. And Manny showed how tough he was, going into pro wrestler histrionics with three people holding him back and no chance of a fight. What a warrior! The Phillies take on the spineless yellow cowards again tonight at 8:22.

Scoreboard, Brought to you by Breadlines

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O’NEALS

  1. Why’s the Rum Gone 96
  2. Nomads 95
  3. Whimsey McCloud 94
  4. The Upshot 84
  5. The Keating Three 77

BARDS

  1. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 96
  2. Sofa Kingdom 91
  3. Great Depression 2: Electric Boogaloo 77
  4. These Flies Have West Nile 66
  5. Nudist Balloonists 65

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 97
  2. Lawrence’s Last Stand 94
  3. Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly 87
  4. OJ Stands for Offtoda Joint 85
  5. 400 Hours of Graphics 84

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 93
  2. Broad Street Bellies 87
  3. The Muttonchops 80
  4. Team Big Little 67
  5. Wildcard Bitches 66

GOOD DOG

  1. Invincible Ignorance 103
  2. Axis of Evil Knieval 92
  3. Lambda 82
  4. Doggoneyoubetchawink 77
  5. Where are my friends? 67

BARDS

  1. Hurtin Bombs 92
  2. Thrilla From Wasilla 75
  3. HBK 69
  4. I Put My 401 k on the Phillies 67
  5. Go Big or Go Home 59

Match of the week

No question about this one. We had several blowouts this week, but we had a thriller at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. The Jams had a terrible round two, getting only four right, but they caught fire in the fourth round, scoring 53, and edging Lawrence’s Last Stand, 97-94. It was a tough loss for the Last Stand (nee Trust Us We Know), as beloved team member Lawrence moved to San Francisco on Thursday and will no longer be on the team. Meanwhile, special acknowlegement needs to be made of Invincible Ignorance. At the Good Dog, of all places, they became the only team to crack 100 this week.

Good For Her

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When I was in the 4th grade, a kid named Matt H. (Front row, 2nd from right, with the pink ears. That’s me next to him, in all white.) used to always pick on me, and I would always come home in tears. Finally, my mom had had enough. So she said, “Call him and challenge him to a fight tomorrow.” I was astounded. My mom has never been a violent person at all, but apparently she realized that every once in a while, a person’s gotta stand up for themselves (and she knew that I was going to be calling his bluff.) So I called Matt H. and the conversation went as follows:

  • JGT: Hey Matt.
  • Matt: Hey.
  • JGT: Hey listen, I’m just calling to challenge you to a fight out by my swingset at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning.
  • Matt: Um, hold on a second. Let me go ask my mom. (long pause) Hey, my mom says I can’t fight you tomorrow. But do you want to go to the movies tonight?
  • JGT (Who was scared to death that he might accept the challenge): Yeah, sure!

And Matt H. and I have been friends ever since. So when I read about this mom in Dover who drove her daughter to the house of a girl who had been picking on her and told her to fight, I said, “Right on!” Yeah, the cops are pissed and the media won’t give you a fair shake, but every once in a while you gotta stand up to a bully, critics be damned. And, according to this story, the bully got her ass beat. Good on ya, I say. Maybe if the bully had invited her to the movies, none of this would have ever happened.

This is really, really cool

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What if George Washington hadn’t been the first person to ever turn down the idea of being King for the good of his country? Who would be King now? George had no direct descendants, so the question is kind of tough to answer, but somebody at ancestry.com was able to figure it out. And if GW had declared himself King? Things would probably be about the same as they are now. The man who would be King is a George Bush supporter. Sidenote: my sister had a Custis in her class at school that was a direct descendant of Martha Washington (nee Custis) by her first husband. I wonder if that side of the family would have attempted to overthrow the Washingtons. Probably.
RELATED: A sort of Beckish rap about George Washington. (NSFW) Pretty funny.