Author: aetchells

Scoreboard, Brought to You by Gravedigger

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O’NEALS

  1. Savage Henry 86
  2. Queerer than Snuggies 85
  3. Why’s John’s Rum Gone 84
  4. Cellphone in My Pocket 77
  5. This Is Not a Bus 71

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 110
  2. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 93
  3. A-Rod Plays Small Ball 83
  4. Money B**** 83
  5. Slumdogs 80

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 108**
  2. Lamda Lamda Lamda 108
  3. Quiz All Over Your Face 89
  4. 1022 89
  5. My Mom Says I’m Cool 87

BLACK SHEEP

  1. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 105
  2. Duane’s World 91
  3. Random Encounter 85
  4. No THrill w/o Bill 79
  5. Catdog 77

GOOD DOG

  1. Axis of Evil Knieval 112
  2. Fort Awesome 109
  3. Invincible Ignorance 91
  4. Agnew’s Nabobs 78
  5. The Underachievers 67

BARDS

  1. Hurtin Bombs 107
  2. Eschaton 103
  3. Beef With Broccoli 99
  4. Has Been Kingdom 94
  5. I Facebooked Your Mom 86

**Won in Double Overtime

Quick notes

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Alright, kids, I’ll have the scoreboard up this afternoon. I’m running kind of slow today after staying up way too late last night going to the drag show at Bob and Barbara’s and then making the ill-fated decision of going to Lorenzo’s at 3 a.m. for a slice. Now I’m off to lunch at Mama’s, the best falafel in the world. Anyways, Monday is going to be huge. Huge, huge. Biggest day this city has seen since the Slinky was invented here. I have some pretty big announcements, including the Quizzo Bowl announcement. It looks like we’ve got a deal. Finally! So announcement on Monday, along with some other big things poppin’, including Quizzo on the TV. Keep in mind too that the Chip Chantry One Man Show (Featuring Special Guests) will be on Monday as well. It is on like a proverbial video game simian primate.

Happy Birthday Charles van Doren


Today is a big day for birthday’s. Abe Lincoln and Charles Darwin both share their number 200th today. But another interesting birthday is being celebrated today as well. It is the 83rd birthday of Charles van Doren, the man who infamously cheated in the 1950s game show scandal. Here is his full explanation of the scandal, which he wrote for the New Yorker last year. Here is a writeup on the scandal from PBS.

Quizzo News and Notes (Big Things Poppin’)

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Ok, next week is going to be huge. HUGE, people. First of all there is a tv rumor to be addressed. There will be a tv crew at one of next week’s quizzos. I won’t tell you which one because you glory hounds will all show up trying to take the spotlight away from ME, Johnny Goodtimes. So just come to quizzo next week and you may be on TV. Also, the Jams eeked out a win over Lamda in Double Overtime last night, so the Bounty is bumped up to $25 next week. As mentioned earlier, I have a great comedy show with Chip on Monday. Finally, I am extremely close to having a deal for Quizzo Bowl. I am almost sure I will have it signed by Monday. Stay tuned. I’m pretty sure we’re looking at March 28th, so save the date. Oh yeah, and a new quiz tonight. Good Dog at 8 p.m., and Bards at 10 p.m. See ya tonight.

Crime of Passion: Jimmy Swaggart


Last night I asked what televangelist got busted with a prostitute in 1988, and said, “Lord I have sinned against you.” Well above is a short documentary on the fallout. Here is a pic of the prostitute he got busted with…the first time. I cannot find full video of this sermon anywhere, which is unbelievable. Here is the script of that famous speech. After he took a three month absence from the pulpit, Swaggart returned, saying, “If I don’t return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell.” Jimmy, who interestingly enough is cousins with Jerry Lee Lewis, got in trouble again in 1991 when he was caught with another hooker. Rather than confessing to the congregation this time, however, he told them that “The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.” Ozzy Osbourne recorded a song about Swaggart called Miracle Man. Swaggart is still preaching the word of God, and God has to be extremely pleased with this development. Jim really seems like a pretty terrific guy. And he plays a pretty mean piano. (Seriously, his music isn’t that bad.)

The Power of the Kitty Jacket

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I live for this stuff. This kitty jacket is on sale on eBay, with the current bid at $59. Now why would a hideous sweater be fetching such a high price? Because of it’s magical powers. Here are some of the amazing things that happened after the current owner bought the jacket:

I went into the kitchen to get a drink and shake off the dream, but tripped in the living room and fell on my face. I turned on the light and there was an original Nintendo set up to my TV. I sold my Nintendo years ago to buy a 89 Upper Deck Ken Griffey rookie card. How did this NES get there? I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure the Kitty Jacket had something to do with it. So I turned it on and played. Mario had the Tanooki suit on and couldn’t lose it despite getting hit by the fire spitting flowers. I beat the game finally all these years later! In the morning the NES was gone!

I had a pickup basketball game that night and scored my triple double. I even dunked once on a guy who’s 9 inches taller than I am. Having this new found courage, I tempted fate and jumped a shark tank on my motorcycle. I successfully cleared the tank and gave a rousing speech afterwards to a huge crowd by the side of the tank. Three months later, people still remind me how that speech changed their lives.

But it does come with a disclaimer: Who knows what powers the jacket will bring the lucky winner of the auction? Yes I did get it on with the ladies, and yes I did get to sit front row at the Grammy’s the other night. But that might not happen to you. Apple iPhones 3G networks did browse faster when I wore the jacket and gas prices went down in my neighborhood, and the Celtics won the 2008 NBA championship but that might not happen to you.

Chip Chantry One Man Show For Lovers Only!

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On Monday the 16th, the Chip Chantry One Man Show is back. This time, Chip is going to be exploring love not only in our own world but throughout the universe. Also on the Chip Chantry One Man Show will be Dennis Horan who is, quite frankly, the funniest man in Philadelphia. Seriously. In addition, there will be performances from Animosity Pierre, Dan Goodman, a musical guest, a Dating Game, and an educational filmstrip, “My Earthling Valentine.” Hope to see ya Monday night at 8:30 p.m.