My Ultimate Philly Cocktail party

I somehow made the list for the Ultimate Philly Cocktail party (which isn’t actually happening, unfortunately) put together by Philly Mag. Needless to say I was flattered to be included. Now, if this party were to actually happen, I would probably spend most of my time hanging out with Michael Solomonov and Gonzo, hoping that Gonzo would introduce me to Victorino, who I would then try to impress by speaking pidgin in the hopes that he would find out that I used to live in Hawaii and then we would be great friends and then us and our wives would always go out on double dates and talk baseball. (Yeah, so my man crush is on Shane. So what? Yours is on Chase.) I would also make an awkward attempt to patch up my differences with ?uestlove (strange but true fact: because of something I wrote a few years ago, he won’t let me follow him on twitter) who probably won’t remember who I am, making for an awkward apology since he won’t have any idea what I’m apologizing for.

Alright, well I respect their list, but now it’s time for my own. I have purposely excluded anybody I actually know fairly well. I am lucky enough to know a lot of people through quizzo who have actually been incredible cocktail and garden party guests, but here are 10 people I’ve either never met or barely know who I think would be fun to talk to at a cocktail party:

Inga Saffron– Just for her spot-on destruction of the Pepto Bismol building on Broad Street, I’d love to talk to her about her favorite and least favorite buildings in Philadelphia.

Meek Mills– Would love to talk to him about how his experiences. Coming from such dire circumstances into fame and money, would love to know his outlook on life.

Jimmy Rollins– J-Roll and Shane are my favorite players, and following Jimmy on twitter makes him seem even cooler. Would love to knock a few back with him and talk baseball.

DJ Jazzy Jeff. When I worked in Hawaii, I had a chance to meet numerous famous people. In Philly, I’ve had a chance to meet some almost sort-of famous people. It’s been my experience that the sort-of famous people are a lot more interesting. I think Jazzy Jeff would be a bit more fun to hang out with than Will Smith.

Howard Eskin. The Ric Flair of local sports radio, I’d love to talk sports with Howard. I know a lot of people hate him, and I love how bad Charlie showed him up in that press conference, but he’s damn interesting and smarter than 99% of the guys on sports radio today.

Buzz Bissinger. I’ve hung out with Buzz a couple of times and even did an interview with him. A fascinating dude, a brilliant writer, and certainly a “wild card” at a cocktail party.

Nicole Cashman. What, I can’ try to network at this thing? It’s my party, remember?!

Eve– My wife would not be happy with this pick, seeing as how Eve and I have a history (and by history, I mean I’ve had a crush on her for years and she has no idea who I am). But I’m winning this argument (for once). Eve is on the list!

Neil Stein. No knock on Garces, Vetri, Solomonov, et al. I love all their places. But I feel like Stein just gets a cold shoulder since his fall from grace, and not nearly as much respect as he deserves. Without this dude, you’re not eating at any number of the hippest restaurants in town, because there are no hip restaurants in town. You’re in the suburbs, complaining about how awful Center City is. Neil could easily paraphrase Dr. Dre, “I’m the one who started this foodie shit, and this the motha f***in’ thanks I get?” I’d love to talk to Neil about Philly in the 90s. In fact, I think I just gave myself a story idea.

Phoebe Esmon. Renowned mixologist at Farmer’s Cabinet (and formerly of Chick’s) makes some of the best and most interesting drinks in town. Who better to invite to a cocktail party?

So who else should I add to the guest list?