This is neither here nor there, but I was working on a 50-50 round, and thought about using Bobby the Brain Heenan for it. Well, I decided I couldn’t really use The Brain because too many of his lines contained wrestlers names, but I was laughing my head off at some of his one-liners, so I thought I’d share. He and Gorilla Monsoon were the greatest 1-2 combo is announcing history for any sport, if you ask me. Keep in mind, he was the ultimate bad guy wrestling manager so he wasn’t particularly politically correct.
- “Hulk Hogan’s entrance music is my second favorite song of all time. All the rest are tied for first.”
- “Tito Santana is like a cue-ball. The more you strike him, the more English you get out of him.”
- On Kerry von Erich: “He is the only man I know of who can hide his own Easter eggs.”
- On Lou Ferigno’s speech impediment: “Hey, he speaks pretty well for a guy who just ate two pounds of crackers.”
- “That was a legal move. It was a Greco-Roman hair pull.”
- “Brass knuckles come in handy at the movies when that guy behind you can’t shut up his ugly kid.”
- “His Dad’s Italian, his Mom’s a German Shepherd.”
- “If women were meant to be wrestlers, why do we have kitchens?”
- “She was voted Best-Looking at the Indiana School for the Blind.”
- “You ever see Old Yeller, Monsoon? I love a good comedy.”
- “The main difference between Boss Man and his Mother is the beard. His Mother’s is much thicker.”
- “She should get arrested for impersonating a lampshade.”
- “If they made brass knuckles legal, it wouldn’t be cheating!”
- “Next week I’ll be on the Cartoon Network with pictures of your last date.”
- “The biggest difference between kids and dogs is that you can’t put kids down. It’s illegal.”
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