Round Three of the Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest

Alright, we’re going to determine our finalists at the conclusion of this round. Voting ends at 6:30 p.m. on Friday.

  • Brian-Teetering on the edge of insanity, Alf Landon departed from the morning fog of Topeka, Kansas to find his true identity. He could not believe the “senseless ramblings” of the local populace, nor stand the persistent verbal assaults. You see, it was well known throughout the greater Topeka region that Alf Landon was the illegitimate love child of TV’s Michael Landon and Alf from Melmac.
  • Skip-“JEEWWWWWWSSS!” exclaimed a visibly intoxicated Alf Landon, as he realized he was out of Cocoa Puffs.
  • Mike-Lou Gehrig can tell people he was the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, but he wasn’t the one being tag-team blown by Alf Landon and Howard Hughes in a broom closet.
  • Matt-Jane Fonda was working as a goat cheese dairy farmer, and Alf Landon was in town for a little payola from the CIA. He noticed her as he bumped a waiter preparing Cherries Jubilee, causing a fire.
  • Steve-O-It had been a completely ordinary day at IKEA, until suddenly from the ball pit emerged a naked Alf Landon and a Miracle Whip-coated Sporty Spice.
  • David-My mother always warned me about guys like Alf Landon.
  • Hunter-The speedy spaceship snaps, crackles and pops around us, our long journey now almost over, as we skid to a stuttering stop on this big blue orb and breathe a sigh of oxygenated relief as finally, at long last, me and Alf land on Earth.

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