Shut the Ducks Up Guy is Out of His Mind

Press release I received this morning:

April 22, 2008 (PHILADELPHIA)- The City of Brotherly Love can now be known as the City of Mallardly Love thanks to the efforts of the Shut the Duck Up! Campaign. Their endeavors to muffle the noisy vehicles of the Philadelphia Ride the Duck Tour Company are helping more city residents than merely offended pedestrians.

The popular “quackers” distributed to Duck Boat riders are indistinguishable from call of a real Mallard hen. World Champion Waterfowl Caller and Call-Maker Sean Mann, corroborated the effectiveness of these souvenir quackers stating that “very lonely ducks” are likely to be drawn to the alluring snare of the Duck Boat calls. Philadelphia neighborhoods effected by the Duck Boat tour route have experienced a spike in traffic incidents involving duped loner ducks, who have become disoriented by the imitation calls and inadvertently cause automotive accidents.

The growing congregation of deluded ducks has also attracted the attention of the waterfowl’s natural predators. Recent sightings of fox, raccoons, and stray dogs patrolling the route of the Duck Boats has neighborhoods up in arms over the increased disappearances of family cats, and daily nuisance of having to manage overturned trash cans and recycling bins.

Shut The Duck Up! are the sole activist group in Philadelphia concerned with the safety of local ducks and neighborhoods effected by the ignorant oversights of the Philadelphia Ride the Duck Tour Company. Their mission statement resolves to earn the respect from the Ride the Duck Company and to work towards a symbiotic relationship between the Tour Company and all residents of Philadelphia, fowl or friend.
PREVIOUSLY: Shut the Duck Up Video.

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