-First of all, I tried to meet some ladies by posting an ad on craigslist. There are going to be haters out there who say that I “fudged the facts” a tad, but I think it’s a fairly honest look at myself.
-Secondly, Alycia Lane is single again. Her boyfriend, some New York broadcaster punk sissy, broke up with her because his station told him to, b/c of the whole Rich Eisen bikini flap. Wow, Alycia. You’re single. I’m single. It’s like the stars are lining up for us here. What the heck, let’s go for it! I’m an astronaut!
-Eve, I haven’t forgotten about you, girl. Listen, that thing with Alycia, that’s just a friend thing. She’s coming off a breakup, I’m a shoulder to cry on. That’s all that is. Don’t worry your pretty little eyes. You and me are forever girl. Shake that tambourine!