Alright, I’m sick of Satan’s Minions winning every week. They’ve won 5 straight at the Black Sheep. So, assuming they play tonight, I’m putting a $20 cash bounty on them. So if a team other than Satan’s Minions win tonight, I’ll give ’em $20 cash in addition to the $40 gift certificate. (No, if the Minions finish 4th, the three teams that beat them don’t all get $20. Only the team in first gets it.)

Elvis released his first single on this date in 1954, “That’s Alright Mama.” What legendary bluesman did he steal the song from? By the way, the photo above is of Black Elvis, who is the most famous person to come from my town of Nassawadox, VA (He was on the Arsenio Hall Show!). Strangely, the answer to this week’s question also lived in Nassawadox for a while.

Happy birthday to the bikini, which turns 60 today. And just to be fair, here’s a photo of a man with a bikini. Happy birthday, bikini! Here’s a history of the greatest invention of the 20th century.

That’s right, peeps, I’m going cross country…and what’s even better, I’m gonna be blogging about it the whole way. Yeah, I answered this ad that I saw on philadelphiawilldo, and had an interview with the good people at traffic.com a few days later. And lo and behold, I was the blogger they chose (I think my famous pink ruffled tuxedo shirt that I wore to the interview swayed them in my direction). Here’s the deal: I’m gonna be going cross country in a tractor trailer with an absurdly large billboard attached to the back, and cruising from city to city, trying to convince people to check out all of the free services that traffic.com has to offer. I’ll also be getting into as many ridiculous adventures along the way as I possibly can. Just think of this as a month long rhubarb pie bake off!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Johnny, this sounds like you’ve sold out to the man!” To which I can only respond, “You’re damn right I have! And the man can fulfill all of your traffic needs, just by checking out his website.” I’ll have a lot more info on this in the coming days, including how you can help me plan the adventure, so be sure to check back…and yes, there will still be quizzo. Trivia Art and Jam Master Sean will fill in for me while I’m gone.

There will be no quizzo at the Bards and O’Neals tonight, on account of the holiday. Have a great 4th, and I’ll see you tommorrow at the Vous and the Black Sheep!

You know, the one I’ve been threatening to make every day for over a week? Well, uh, just one more day. I know, I know, I’m a bad person. But this is the type of announcement that just seems to go hand in hand with the 4th of July. And, no, I won’t be doing a duet with Lionel Richie tommorrow. Trust me, I tried to make that happen. But July 4th is the perfect day to get this little announcement off the ground, although not a single person in America will be checking their computer on the 4th of July. And yes, that’s a real frog.

…it would have been front page news (front page, not front sports page) and would have had people all over America talking about what terrible fans we are.

WOW! Did you guys see this catch from yesterday? You know things are going bad for the Phils. Now, even Rowand’s catch is no longer the best play of 2006. This is like Mays making his catch while climbing a wall. Simply unbelievable.

I just posted a new poll, so be sure to exercise your right as an american. The results of the last poll showed that most of you thought that Showgirls was the worst movie of the last 20 years, with 18.9% voting for that one. Battlefield Earth and I Heart Huckabees finished tied for 2nd with 16%. I thought Showgirls was so bad it was good, while I cannot say the same for I Heart Huckabees, which I think they have playing on a constant loop in hell.