The Phillies, who have made a number of exciting offseason moves recently, including a) getting rid of the best relief pitcher in baseball, and b) hiring a pitcher who loses two out of every three games even though he’s on steroids, further excited their fan base on friday by announcing that they will be raising ticket prices. “We really think that we have got baseball fans in this city whipped up into such a frenzy that it seems like the perfect time to raise ticket prices,” said Pat “Ed Wade” Gillick. “We plan on putting a sub-.500 team on the field this year, but we have a lot of exciting opponents who will be well worth the price of admission.”
