After yesterday’s disastrous news conference, Terrell Owens today announced that he had fired Drew Rosenhaus and hired a new agent, Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer. Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer, who fell into a crevasse 100,000 years ago and was thawed out in 1988, had this to say at a press conference this morning: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! The bright lights of your enormous stadiums make me want to leave my luxury suite and run off into the hills, or wherever. When I watch the game on your televisions, I wonder, ‘How did they fit all of those tiny men inside that little box?’ My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know-that the Eagles should relinquish part of the $12 million they have under the salary cap and pay my client commensurate to his prolific performance over the past ten seasons and, more importantly, his heroic performance on the gridiron in last year’s Super Bowl. I have nothing more to say.”
