Gallows Humor

A few last words from men about to be executed.

Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.
Executed in electric chair in New York.~~ George Appel, d. 1928

You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother.
Executed in electric chair.~~ Francis “Two Gun” Crowley, d. 1931

How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? French fries.
Executed in electric chair in Oklahoma.~~ James French, d. 1966

I’d rather be fishing.
Executed in electric chair, Louisiana.
~~ Jimmy Glass, d. June 12, 1987

I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.
Executed by injection, Oklahoma.
~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995

Story of the day

Here’s some great Nixon quotes that were recently released by Kissinger.

Johnny Out Late, Quizzo Cancelled

There will be no quizzo on Monday at Doc Watson’s, due to the holiday. Johnny was apparently in the holiday spirit on Sunday night, as the paparazzi caught the original King of Goodtimes out at 2:00 a.m., eating pizza from Lorenzo’s on South Street. Some reports indicate that he may have had alcohol in his system. Johnny was not pleased. “Can’t an international mega-star grab a slice of pizza with three female admirers without a gaggle of photographers gathering around?” he shouted, leaving bystanders impressed with his use of the word gaggle.

Story of the day

This one’s about a man who’s bringing his ex-wife along with him on his honeymoon.

Fo’ Drizzle? Fo’ Rizzle

Fo’ Drizzle was able to squeak out a win at Doc Watson’s on Monday night, edging Sloe Gin Quiz, 76-74. And once again Slick “Tank-Top” Harringslack was able to provide a winning team with a spark, just like last week at the Bards. “I don’t remember that guy being there,” said team member Randolph Mustard. “But if it’s on johnnygoodtimes.com, then it must be true.”

Story of the Day

Gary Condit and Rick Rockwell (“Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire”) both appeared in the movie “Return of the Killer Tomatoes” starring George Clooney. Also, I got an e-mail regarding the war that I thought was interesting, although I disagree with most of it. It’s on the message board.

Story of the Day

Possible terrorism at 30th Street? Nope, just a sleepy SEPTA employee.

Story of the Day

Check this story out about a guy who coated his hotel room with Vaseline.

Question of the Week

The bad news was that Dubya fell off his bike on Saturday. The good news is that he inspired this week’s question. What was the name of Chuck’s bike store in Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure? (w/o question one of Johnny’s favorite all-time movies.) And no, Amazing Larry doesn’t have anything to share with the rest of us.

Shrek 2

The Blind Squirrels, who provided the inspiration for “Shrek,” made a sequel on Wednesday at Nick’s Roast Beef, crushing the second place finishers, Quiz Eye for the Straight Guy. Though the characters were a little different this time around, the result was the same. And more importantly, it provides me with the perfect opportunity to provide the link I promised last week, showing that Banderas did indeed hold Timberlake’s hand at a screening of Shrek 2.