Roy’s Head Amputated; Show Must Go On!

Doctors yesterday decided to amputate the head of Las Vegas performer Roy Horn after he was attacked by a white tiger on stage in Las Vegas friday night. But horrified fans of the Siegfried and Roy team were heartened a few hours later when Siegfried told reporters that the show would go on-with Roy!

“Roy can’t speak now that he no longer has a mouth, but he was able to write me a message saying that he was coming back to the stage as soon as his wounds healed. Head or no head, the show must go on!” said a chipper Siegfried.

The delicate surgery, in which doctors moved the brain to the ribcage near the heart before lopping off the head, was headed by surgeon Spanky Alvarez.

“Things went remarkably well. With modern scientific advancement, we don’t think Roy will be headless forever. Hopefully, within two years, Roy will receive a prosthetic head. If that doesn’t work out, however,we are keeping his current head frozen at Alcor. They’ve done such a nice job with Ted Williams head, we know they’ll take good care of Roy’s,” said the head doctor.

The tiger that attacked Roy, named Montressor, did not comment on this latest development. He can’t. He’s a tiger, thus the make up of his vocal cords make the English language impossible to speak. (He does speak a few words of Spanish).