Bush Cronies continue covering selves in glory

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The problem with surrounding yourself with dishonorable, shady people is that they tend to do dishonorable, shady things. Paul Wolfowitz, the neocon who really pushed hard for a war in Iraq, has now resigned from World Bank under tremendous pressure for ethics violations. Meanwhile, Alberto Gonzales has been called out yet again for highly questionable behavior, trying to get John Ashcroft to sign off on domestic spying while lying in the ICU. Man, if we only we had a person of honor running this country, a person of integrity, then we wouldn’t have worry about these shenanigans. A good, honorable person…like Dick Cheney!!! (Inspired by this gutsy column, I am hereby making johnnygoodtimes.com your official Dick Cheney in ’08 Campaign Headquarters!)
Cartoon courtesy of the Guardian.

Italian Market Fest

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If you can’t make it to Rhubarb Fest, or are bitter because they have their Bake Off on a friday, which is total bulls***, then I highly suggest the Italian Market Festival. THis weekend, they are going to honor the Philadelphia Sound, so it should be awesome. And today, I am going to be working on making Philadelphia RubeFest a reality.

The Wheel of Terrific Comeback

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Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that Chip Chantry and I will be reviving the least popular game show in Delaware Valley history on Monday night, as we host the Wheel of Terrific at the Khyber as part of Die Actor Die. This will be the last time the vaunted wheel will ever appear. And therefore, we have decided to call it the “Big Wheel of Terrific”. That’s how incredible it’s going to be. We’re adding the word “Big”.

Bad News on the Rhubarb Front

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I called today to pre-register for the Rhubarb Festival when I got some terrible news: the Intercourse Rhubarb Bake-Off is on Friday, not Saturday. And pardon my French, but that is total bulls***. I mean, seriously, who can enter a Bake-off on a Friday at 10 a.m.? Who? I’ll tell you who. Housewives. This contest is totally fixed so that they win every goddamm year. It is ridiculous. I might still go to the Festival on Saturday, but it will be with a sour taste in my mouth. And that taste won’t be rhubarb.

So here is my thought: We should have a 1st annual Philadelphia Rhuabarb Festival in June. I am serious. Let’s challenge all the local dessert chefs to come up with the best rhubarb dessert. And then we get really drunk. Who’s with me?

The NBA pisses Willie off

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The NBA playoffs were dealt a major blow when, in the midst of a 7 game series between the best two teams in basketball, it decided to suspend two of Phoenix’s best players for leaving the bench, despite the fact that they didn’t lay a hand on anyone. It was a gutless, thoughtless decision by the NBA, and Willie thinks it ruined this years playoffs. Here are his thoughts:
Believe it or not, I was actually proud of the National Basketball Association and its commissioner David Stern before Tuesday. I was really enjoying the action of the NBA playoff for the first time in years as the game appeared to be returning to its former greatness of the late 1980’s that made me love it initially. Although he would not admit it, Stern seemed to be acting in a kinder and more benevolent way, which I feel is certainly good for the game. It is like he once again understood the competitiveness and intensity of the playoffs. While last year we saw James Posey and Ron Artest be suspended for doing barely more than breathing on an opponent too hard, this year’s NBA seemed more committed to pleasing the fans and not taking away from the competition unnecessarily. It seemed to start when Stern admitted that the new ball was a mistake and thus changed back to the old one. Then, the league refused to kill the excitement of the NBA playoffs by not suspending Baron Davis, Jason Richardson, and Bruce Bowen for physically borderline play. It seemed that the NBA had once again realized that this is the playoffs and to be overly strict on the players was to kill some of that natural intensity which the postseason breeds. Moreover, they seemed to realize what the fans wanted as opposed to forcing on them a corporate, watered-down product. I was actually proud of the NBA for a change, which felt weird but definitely good at the same time. For a moment, I had back the game I loved.

Continue reading “The NBA pisses Willie off”

The dumbest man in baseball

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Cole Hamels flirted with a no-hitter last night. But, in typical fashion, Charlie Manuel pulled such a bonehead move that people have already forgotten about it and are instead pitching a fit, and rightfully so. With a 4 run lead and 12 pitchers to choose from, there was absolutely no need to use your closer, especially with a freaking day game tomorrow. Especially when that closer had pitched the last two games and 3 times in the last 4 days. Yeah, the other relievers are bad, but if they can’t protect a 4 run lead for one inning, they really shouldn’t be pitching in the major leagues. But Charlie used Myers, and will continue to use him until his arm wears out in September. Charlie Manuel knows as much about pitching as I do about stitching. But at least I’m not teaching a crochet class. The faithful commenters over at excellent Phillies blog Beerleaguer are as furious as I am. As were the guys at the Black Sheep I watched the game with. In fact, anyone who has watched more than 20 games of baseball in their life would do a better job of managing this team than this moron. My suggestion? It’s time to start going to games and chanting, “Joe Gir-ar-di!”
RELATED: The Inky gives 4 reasons why the Phils won’t fire Manuel.

Philly is smartest city in Western Hemisphere!!!

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It looked like a cruise down Easy Street for the Kingdom and the city, as scores rolled in from across the continent in the City vs. City Smackdown. Philly was crushing everybody. That is, until the last scores were delivered. They were Denver’s scores, and they were the only city to even approach us. A team called the Denver Misfits finished with an imposing 138, losing to the Kingdom by only 4. As for city vs. city results, in which we take the top 5 scores and average them together, Philly again edged Denver, 124.4-115.6. No other city came close. Ottawa averaged a 100.8, edging Seattle, who averaged exactly 100. Washington D.C., the capital city of the United States, averaged a 93.6. We’ll have more team averages soon. There were teams in 8 cities competing: Chicago, Atlantic City, Baltimore, DC, Seattle, Denver, Ottawa, and Philly. Thanks to their narrow win, the Kingdom walks with $800 ($500 for beating Philly’s best teams at Rembrandt’s on Monday, and another $300 for beating those quizzo weak sisters across the nation.) MAGMA finished 2nd in Philly, 3rd overall, and waked with $250. We hope to do an even bigger one of these in the fall. May the trash talking commence! If you’d like to contact Denver, just click here. If you have a few choice words for DC, just click here. Here were the top 10 scores:
1. Sofa Kingdom-Philly 142
2. Denver Misfits-Denver 138
3. Magma-Philly 134
4. I am Curious George-Denver 129
5. Satan’s World-Philly 124
6. What’s the Soup du Jour-Philly 122
7. Reservoir Dogs-Philly 114
8. Plush Toy of the Apocalypse-Ottawa 112
9. Lactose Intolerant-Seattle 110
T-10. Sex Panther on the Beach Slaves to the Grind-Denver109
T-10. The DTC Combo-Denver 109