Headless Fun Facts

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  • The guillotine was invented because it was supposedly the most humane way to kill people. However, there are many people who believe that the mind stays alive for about about 30 seconds after it leaves the body, and that during the French Revolution, people would tell their friends that they would blink after their head came off if they were still conscious, and then did so. They can’t talk, of course, because they have no vocal cords.
  • A doctor in Cleveland (typical) performed a head transplant on a monkey a few years ago, and wants to do the same to humans. He is going to start by trading my head with George Clooneys. Now I bet you’re sorry you blew me off this weekend, girl!
  • Speaking of chicks, have you heard the story of Mike the Headless Chicken? If not, it is well worth reading. A guy cut a chicken’s head off but the chicken lived for another year and a half. And the Mike the Headless Chicken Festival was just this past weekend! It was probably fun, but I doubt it was an Intercourse Rhubarb Festival Bake off Extravaganza (photos and story coming manana.)

Scoreboard, Brought to You By Delicious

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O’NEALS

  1. Team Awesome! Woohoo! 89*
  2. No Names 89
  3. We Got Nothin’ 85
  4. Cornbread Mafia 83
  5. Bang the Nun Slowly 66

BARDS

  1. Hurtin’ Bombs 110
  2. Sofa Kingdom 98
  3. Narcotyzing D 84
  4. Marc Andre Fleury 67
  5. Revolting Blob 66

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 97
  2. Trust Us We Know 96
  3. My Mom Says I’m Cool 89
  4. Assistants to Regional Mgr. 88
  5. Calamity Jane 76

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 102*
  2. Penn 15 Club 102
  3. Myers Sucks 74
  4. Pogue Mahones 69
  5. Earth Science Rocks 65

GOOD DOG

  1. Lamda 83
  2. Knocking Motion 78
  3. The Underachievers 66
  4. Oakwood Rec 64
  5. Shomer Shabbas 63

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 110
  2. I Own This Bar Kingdom 89
  3. Show Minus One 89
  4. Western Omelette 88
  5. Porkheimers 82

*Won in OT.

Around the Horn, Weekend Edition

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  • It was on this date in 1868 that Andrew Johnson was acquitted of impeachment by a single vote. Here is a short but thorough account of how it went down.
  • Today on Kerri-Lee’s blog, I ask, “What would your last meal be if you were condemned to die?” There is also a link to the top 10 last meals of all time, which is recommended reading.
  • Hockey is hot right now. I mean, sorry NBA, Chris Paul is awesome, but your playoffs are boring, with the refs handing wins to the home team every single game (Home teams are 20-1 in the 2nd round of these playoffs. Fishy? Something tells me Donaghy was a fall guy for a larger problem.)
    Crosby is exciting to watch, even for a casual fan like myself. And the hits are spectacular. Most importantly, hockey has Don Cherry, the best dresser in sports history. And even better, the guy is completely out of his mind. A few nights ago, he wore a pink suit that almost blew out my retinas, then called Detroit fans “rednecks”. I love this guy.
  • The following sentence from bats*** crazy Steven Wells column in this week’s PW: Acting as Warden Nutter’s Lord Chamberlain and dressed like Bill Sykes out of Oliver! (complete with snazzy neckerchief and battered top hat), I’ll rule the fop-infested Philly arts scene with a rod of iron (literally) in the company of my ever faithful, cigar-smoking, quizzo-organizing, Winston Churchill-faced talking mutant English bulldog Johnny S*** Times. (Much as I do now, only more so.) I really have no idea how to respond to that. None.

Weekend Fun

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Perfect morning to eat pancakes and drink OJ. Thinking about hitting up Sabrina’s. Be back this afternoon with scores. In the meantime, a couple of things to keep in mind for the weekend. First off, good news, rhubarb fans. Tommorrow is supposed to be 73 and sunny, and Sunday is more of the same. Which means that this is the perfect weekend for a festival. If you’re not up for a roadtrip, there are a couple of fun things going down in Philly. First up, the Italian Market Festival. Always a blast, and this year they’ve added the Inaugural John Marzano Halfball Tournament. (I love this city.) Then, in case you’re in the mood for something even weirder than seeing statues of saints marched down the street, we’ve got the annual Kensington Kinetic Sculpture Derby. Pics from last years look ridiculous, and I expect this year you’ll see more of the same. GOnna be a great weekend. Get outdoors and have fun.

Smart and Stupid Quotes

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A few days ago, Kerri-Lee (above, totally jacking my ruffled tuxedo top style) posted a few choice stupid quotes said by celebs over the years (I had forgotten about that Mariah Carey one. Honestly, the stupidest thing a human being has ever uttered. Ever. UPDATE: Woops. She never said it. I’m sorry Ms. Carey.) But today I looked around and found a few quotes I thought were actually pretty intelligent. And the one quote that I think is half-brilliant, half stupid comes from Shaquille O’Neal: “My game is like the Pythagorean Theorem. Nobody can figure it out.”