*It’s a YouTube video about, uh, You Tube that I found on Liz Spikol’s blog. It is eerily compelling. She also has a couple of videos on her blog where she describes getting shock therapy to relieve her depression.

*Today is the date, in 1827, that Moroni gave Joseph Smith those golden plates that he turned into the Book of Mormon. This led, indirectly, to Johnny Goodtimes partying with Salt Lake City hipsters in a kiddie pool in August of this year.

*And happy birthday, Nicole Richie and Dave Coulier!

After receiving Larry’s recent e-mail about his dad and the TV in the dark rumor, I responded to him thusly:
Your double life as underground lamp promoter has been exposed. You will have to answer the masses now, pal. hope you’re ready for the inevitable backlash from people who hate lamps but who bought them anyway to protect their eyes at nighttime.

Larry fires back, after the jump.

Continue reading “Larry Mendte talks about ghosts” →

Hey guys, it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these, but I saw this article today and figured that this would be a good time to get involved in a growing problem in the city-homelessness. THerefore everybody who plays this week is asked to donate a dollar, (though you are welcome to offer more).

And I have found a really great charity to offer our money to. It’s called the Philadelphia Committee to End Homelessness, and it is the only homelessness organization in Philadelphia that does not accept government funding. In speaking with the head of the organization, I was told that by not accepting government money, they can keep the program better suited to each individual rather get caught up in a giant bureaucracy. And this organization is not just concerned with giving away food. It is also concerned with helping to get people back on their feet. I hope to have an interview with the head of the organization tommorrow, so you can learn more about their work, but I think this is a great opportunity for us to give back to our community.

That’s right, peeps, it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Therefore, any team that has at least one member dress up like a pirate (Tonight only!) will get three bonus points to start the game! Every week, there are at least two games decided by three points or less, so I would highly advise you to do this. Here are some helpful pirate terms to get you thru the day.

As you guys know, I did a road blog for Traffic.com back in July. What you don’t know is that, shortly before leaving for my trip, I was asked to put together a rap about an upcoming contest they were having. Well, the contest just got underway, and there is my terrible, terrible, terrible rap on the main page. It is painful to watch, and the word coming from the streets is that my rap career from here on out should be about as succesful as Brian Austin Green’s. Whatever, the point is that you people can win a free 7 day trip to the Dominican Republic by rapping or rhyming about traffic. Seriously. You people are so lucky I am ineligible, because otherwise I would make a most triumphant return to the rap game. The press release for the contest is after the jump.

Continue reading “The Road Rap n’ Rhyme Contest, OR, How Johnny’s rap career came to a screeching halt” →

A few days ago, I mentioned that a man with the name J. Robert Mendte from Philly had come up with the rumor that watching TV in the dark is bad for your eyes. Why would he propagate such a falsehood? Because he was a PR man for a lamp manufacturer. Well, the lies didn’t stop with J. Robert. It seems that he had a son who wanted to further this myth by appearing on TV at night, and be talented enough that people would watch him, even if it meant buying a new lamp to prevent the room from getting dark at night and ruining their eyes! That son’s name, of course, was Larry Mendte, who confirmed via email that J. Robert was his father. He ended his short email to me with this cryptic message: He also is responsible for the legend of the ghosts at the General Wayne Inn….. More on this as it develops.

Garrett was the first person to correctly answer the trivia question (below). Nice work dude. I think I’ll do this at random times each week, so stay tuned. I’ll try to drum up some prizes next time.

The days September 3rd-September 13th never happened in the United States in 1752. You’ll find no records of marriages, births, or events. Why? (First one with correct answer gets their photo on the website.)

Hey, I got this press release that look like it was fun enough to pass along. Plus I know how you people like to eat. It’s an ice cream eating contest, and the winner gets a trip to Tampa to see the Eagles take on the Buccaneers. More details after the jump.

Continue reading “Better get your ice cream gloves ready” →

Yo, I’m off to espagnol. Be back this afternoon. Hopefully gonna have a new contest soon. I’ll keep ya updated. In the meantime, let me know what you think about this. Pluto just got a new name: 134340. This is b******! Screw the International Astronomical Union! Liars! And you people wonder why I hate science.

P.S.: If you people had signed my petition, none of this would have happened.