I was walking home from the Black Sheep and met these two girls who were headed south as well. They told me that A) Alfa was a great bar to meet women (I’ve never been) and B) I had to see the video for “Shoes”. Watched it this morning. Kind of amusing. Here it is. (NSFW due to cussing)

–Craig Laban just released a song about hamburgers. It is, quite frankly, the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Is this the future of newspapers that Tierney keeps talking about? If so, uh-oh. Can we expect Bill Conlin to do a rap about the Phils bullpen now?

–Dick Cheney’s gay daughter just had a baby. It’s gotta be tough for Dick. I mean, on one, hand, he’s trying to fight this war on terror, and on the other hand, we all know that the gays are the only thing more of a threat to our freedom than terrorists.

-Happy Birthdays to both Bob Dylan and Tommy Chong. Sadly, both men have smoked the pot, which is the the only thing more dangerous to America’s future than gays, who are almost as dangerous to our freedom as the Mexicans. Did you know that Mexicans can shoot lasers out of their eyes that can kill you? It’s true. BUILD THAT FENCE NOW!!!

-The team above won at a private gig I did in West Philly on Friday. It was held in an unfinished warehouse room, the kind of warehouse room where I thought it was a trick and that they were kidnapping me and holding me for ransom in a place that no-one could possibly find me. Turns out they were just using the room for storage for their company, Neatreceipts.

Here’s some tough ones from last weeks quizzo. See how you do. Answers are after the jump:
1. What is the visual processing center of the mammalian brain, which contains most of the visual cortex, known as?

2. What is the only Shakespeare comedy set in England, as is evidenced by its title?

3. The Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of their Reason was opened by Quakers on 4641 Roosevelt Boulevard in 1813. What is the hospital known as now?

4. What group recorded a song called Brain Damage in 1972?

5. What is two fathoms, or twelve feet, also known as on the MIssissippi river?

6. In what 1990s film would you hear the line: It’s Ok. I wouldn’t remember me either.”

7. How many players are on a side in a game of regulation water polo, including the goalie?

8. This acclaimed actor and director appeared in Rebel Without a Cause, wrote, directed and acted in a famous 1969 film, and was nominated for an Academy Award in 1986.

9. Many people celebrate the Independence day of this European country by eating lutefisk, lefser, and aquavit.

10. What was the first James Bond film?

Continue reading “Hardest questions from last week” →

-The picture above is of Badger Tsunami. They won a couple of weeks ago at O’Neals, but I never got their photo up Until now. So, um, there it is. Badger Tsunamis are the most dangerous natural disasters of all.

–Gay flamingoes have adopted a small chick. I knew stuff like this would happen when Jerry Falwell died. I just knew it.

-Everybody is crying over illegal immigrants. Why aren’t people in an uproar about illegal employers? Interestingly, they were often fined under Clinton but are almost never fined under Bush.

-Am I the only one who feels just awful for the Celtics? I mean, they tried as hard as they could to tank basketball games last year, completely ruining the integrity of one of the proudest franchises in sports, and then they only got the fifth pick. Well, Boston, I can only say that those of use in Philly would like to express our HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, so this is pretty crazy. The video above is pretty impressive. But apparently another juggler decided to call the juggler out by making a diss video, in which he does the same tricks but with more balls in an empty gym. I guess he thought Juggler #1 had sold out to the masses. Whoa, this is like the new East Coast-West Coast jawn.

Yo, I gotta work on my Metro column. In the meantime, a few blasts from the pasts.
May 2006: Ginger and I go to Camden.
May 2005: JGT makes his first ever trip to Intercourse.
May 2004: Johnny out late with Jersey girl (she’s the one in the middle of the girls)

Well, as I stated before, I tried out Friendly’s Lounge at 8th and Washington after I learned from Foobooz that it was one of the top 50 bars in America. And it was OK. But I can’t say with a clear conscience that it was the best bar in Philadelphia. So then I got to thinking, “Well, what is?” I do have to say somewhat proudly that w/o even needing to shill, all of the places that I do quizzos are damn good bars. But I will remove them from contention to be fair and balanced. (You are welcome to include them below.) What do we mean by best bar? I think we have to set ground rules and say that it is a bar first, restaurant 2nd. It can still have good food, but that can’t be the main reason to go. I’m a big fan of some of the ones in my ‘hood, such as Grace’s, Doobie’s, and Sidecar. I also love Nick’s Roast Beef in South Philly and in Old City. Yeah, it’s got food in the title, but I still think of it as a bar first. I like Bob and Barbara’s, despite all the hipsters. But I think I gotta go with Oscar’s. Cheap beer, strange old fashioned drinks, and damn good cheesesteaks. And best of all, a very diverse crowd at all times. You got students, lawyers, convicts, and quizmasters. And they pour a pretty good Guiness at a damn good price. You guys post your favorite spot, and then we’ll take a vote, and see what the verdict is. What’s your favorite bar in Philly?

Damn good weekend. I ended up saying the hell with Intercourse, and staying right here in Philly. And the Italian Market Festival was well worth staying in town for. Great music, great food, great times. Besides, there is a decent chance that Philly will be having its own RubeFest this year anyway, so why go all the way to Intercourse? Black Landlord (above) rocked the house on Saturday, and I made my way to Friendly Lounge for a drink as well. The Friendly Lounge that Esquire Magazine recently named one of the Top 50 bars in America. Um, yeah. The owner was friendly, for sure, but even he had no idea in hell why they made that list.

The Phillies took two of three this weekend. Guess which game I made it to? Yeah, if you guessed the 13-2 loss give yourself a high five. The highlight of the game came just before the 8th inning when “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” came on the jukebox and Chill Rob A said, in dead seriousness, “Aw man, I love this song!” It was a group of 7 guys out for the game, so needless to say that the only person who caught more ribbing than Clay Condrey that night was Chill Rob. I told him that I was gonna find the people in charge of the music and make a request for, “I Think We’re Alone Now.”

Back to the Market on Sunday, then off to negotiations for RubeFest. Waiting to hear back. If City Hall cooperates, this is gonna be one hell of a festival.

Dude, this is the craziest weekend ever (until Rubefest, hopefully in early June). In addition to the Rittenhouse Jam Session and the Italian Market Festival, the Trenton Ave. Art Festival in Fishtown is going to be happening on Saturday. This includes a Kinetic Sculpture Race, which is when people make a tricycle look like a giant turkey and then race. Plus, the Phils are gonna sweep the Blue Jays and move over .500. Who needs Intercourse?
UPDATE: It’s supposed to rain all freaking weekend. Aaaarg!

There is gonna be a musical protest in Rittenhouse Park on Saturday at 1 p.m. Musicians will be playing, at least until Philly’s finest show up and take them to jail, where this riff-raff belongs.
RELATED: JGT goes off on lack of tunes in Rittenhouse.