After his provocative, in depth look at Ron Paul, I had no choice but to make Chip Chantry my official political correspondent. Chip is not only a terrific comedian (he will be performing December 5-8 at Helium) he also has a lot of experience in politics, having once run for Class Treasurer in the 6th Grade. (He lost in a landslide.) Anyways, he will be doing interviews with several of the candidates for President. He begins with Mike Huckabee.

“And let me tell you something about that WOP Giuliani,” MIke Huckabee whispered with a defiant grin, “If he thought he had a bad September ’01, wait till he sees what The Huck has in store for him in December ’07.”

That’s what immediately endeared me to Mike Huckabee: his spunk. This governor of Alabama has shed many pounds over the years, but he has not lost an ounce of grit.

During a campaign stop in Duluth, MN last week, I had the privilege of spending the afternoon with an individual posturing to become the most powerful man in the world; an unlikely profession for such an unassuming, yet captivating southern gentleman. As we briskly walked hand-in-hand along the banks of Lake Superior, Mike Huckabee invited me into his America: an America of truth, justice, and unorthodox surgical procedures.

CHIP CHANTRY– First of all, why Lake Superior?

MIKE HUCKABEE– I like things big, young man. BOLD. Do you think any self respecting candidate would be caught dead along Lake Huron, that piece of crap pond? Do you know who likes Lake Huron, Chip? Gays and Asians.

CC– Point taken. Let’s get down to brass tacks. What’s the first thing Mike Huckabee would change about America if he got elected?

MH– We need to trim the fat from this government. I lost 100 pounds. I know about cutting out the excess.

CC– For example?

MH– I’m a big supporter of Home Schooling- less students we have to educate. And, I mean, those kids are nerds anyway. But let’s not stop with Home Schooling. What about Home Healthcare? Home Gun Control? Home Social Security? If we put the onus on each household, less bureaucrats! I lost 100 pounds.

CC– Congratulations. You look great.

MH– And here is something you may not know about the Mike Huckabee. I was the first man in North America to undergo a hysterectomy, or as I like to call it, a Hucksterectomy. (He shows me his scar, then his eyes light up.) Eat your vitamins and say your prayers, because Huckamania is running wild!

CC– Was a hysterectomy actually neccessary?

MH– My body is like the federal government; you don’t truly know if there is a problem until you get in there and root around a while. And let me tell you one thing you won’t find in my abdomen- 100 extra pounds. I ran a marathon. (He attempts to high five me.)

Continue reading “Chip Chantry Interviews Mike Huckabee” →

Here’s my latest, on what local celebrity smackdowns you’d most like to see. The Metropolis asks, “What philebrity rasslin’ matches would you like to see?”

https://youtube.com/watch?v=F2LYnfb0KbU

Eddie Rabbitt

A few weeks ago, I offered regular commenter Bob T. a column on this website so that he could spout off his right wing diatribes to an enormous audience. Well, a midsized audience. Ok, ok, so an audience consisting of you and Palestra Jon. Whatever. Bob T. has decided to start his column by tackling the Valerie Plame (That’s Valerie above, not Bob) affair. It’s a damn impressive column, I think. Bob might have even been sober when he wrote it. And it seems fitting that he started with a story about an undercover agent: Bob sent me this column thru an intermediary to protect his anonymity. I am not kidding. Enjoy.

In his State of the Union Address in January of 2003, George W. Bush had asserted that the Hussein regime attempted to procure uranium yellow cake from Niger — an assertion that would become known as “the sixteen words.” In July of 2003, shortly after the invasion of Iraq, former ambassador Joseph Wilson published an op-ed piece in the New York Times entitled “What I Didn’t Find in Africa.” This essay was highly critical of the Bush administration and asserted that during his fact-finding mission to Niger prior to the start of the war, Wilson had found no evidence that the Hussein regime had sought to procure uranium yellow cake. Shortly after publication of this article, Robert Novak published a piece in which he identified Wilson’s wife, Valerie Plame, as an employee of the CIA. Wilson then charged that the Bush administration had “outed” his wife, revealing her employment as a covert CIA agent, in a deliberate attempt to punish him for his criticism.

Well, here we had a “scandal” custom made for the mainstream media and their continuing obsession with the evil machinations of the Bush administration. Congressional hearings were held, the New York Times piously editorialized. Wilson announced at one point that he looked forward to seeing “Karl Rove frog-marched out of the White House in handcuffs.” Ultimately, a U.S. Attorney, Patrick Fitzgerald, was chosen as a Special Counsel to investigate this assumed violation of federal law — the statute in question being The Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982.

Unfortunately, some problems soon cropped up that began to subvert this pleasing anti-Bush-administration narrative with all its anticipated delights such as felony indictments, convictions, impeachment proceedings, etc. For one thing, Valerie Plame’s then current status with the CIA failed to meet the criteria for what constitutes “covert status.” While Plame had been employed years previously in covert status, her position at that time was as a CIA analyst. Anyone interested in Valerie Plame’s employment could have followed her to work and watched her drive into CIA headquarters in Langley, VA. (This is what’s known in intelligence lingo as “deep cover.”) Plame’s covert status had actually been exposed years previously by the notorious traitor and spy, Aldrich Ames. Her ability to serve as a covert agent hopelessly and permanently compromised, Valerie’s cloak and dagger days were long past by the time her husband published his article in the Times. There was no chance she could ever again be given a covert assignment.

Continue reading “Bob T. Is Madder Than Hell” →