Just yesterday I discovered that Dark Horse John’s website is actually up and functional, and so I did a bit of browsing around and came across the following story about his job as City Pool Bouncer, which is pretty damn funny: The fragile equilibrium of order amidst the thrashing chaos of free swim was mostly maintained only by the fact that everyone seemed to know that the cops responded to calls from Jacobs in about 9 seconds and that the staff – usually me and the other bouncers – would dial 911 at the SLIGHTEST provocation. Don’t get out of the pool when we tell you to? 911. Throw a soda at a lifeguard? 911. Make the staff think that you MIGHT CONSIDER starting a fight with another patron? 911 double-quick. And it wasn’t like we were abusing it. The cops loved us.

Anyhow, I feel inspired. Might write something later today about selling cantaloupe on the side of the road or about farming clams.