A Wild, Wild Week in Review

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Wow, one of the weirdest, wildest weeks in recent quizzo history. We start on Monday, when 8 other cities across the country dared to compete against us in a battle of brains. By the time it was done, Philadelphia reigned supreme, taking 5 of the top 7 spots (with Sofa Kingdom finishing first) and firmly establishing itself as the Quizzo Capital of North America.

O’Neals, however, did not fair so well at the Smackdown. It had 3 teams representing, but Badger Tsunami, the Young the Old and the Restless, and Dork Sided finished 7th, 9th, and 10th, respectively, out of 11 teams. So it was only fitting that Dork Sided, who finished 62 points behind the Kingdom on Monday, would come back with a vengeance on Tuesday and score higher than the Kingdom would later that night with the same questions. The Dorks knocked off Lick My Nutters, 103-98.

On Monday, the Sofa Kingdom won $800 at Rembrandt’s (23rd and Aspen, where the Philly portion of City vs. City Smackdown took place). On Tuesday, Rembrandt cost them a win at the Bards. They led going into the final question, but missed, “Who painted the Anatomy Lesson of Dr Nicolas Culp as well as the Prodigal Son of the Tavern, both in the 17th Century?” The answer was Rembrandt, the Axis of Evil Knieval got it right, and walked away with an impressive 99-98 victory over the Kingdom.

Things returned to normal at the Rendezvous, as the Jams (aka Now That Falwell’s Dead, Tinky Winky can Come Out of the Closet) knocked off Jan and Dean Need $30, 90-83. $30 cash on the line against next week to anyone who can knock off the Jams (plus the $25 gift certificate.)

An upset at the Black Sheep, as CATDOG finally got over the proverbial hump and held off the Satan’s Minions and Rum Dog, 90-88-88. Congratulations, Catdoggers! Defending Champs Duane’s World finished with an 84. Strictly Prohibited had the lead going into the final round, then tanked hard and finished with 73.

Onto the Good Dog, where MAGMA and the 2 1/2 Armenians continued was has to be, with no debate, one of the worst rivalries in sports history. On weeks when the 2 1/2 Armenians show up, MAGMA doesn’t, and on other weeks Armenian warlord Steve O just comes by himself and teams up with MAGMA. Such was the case on Thursday,and the results were fairly predictable. The MAGMenians quashed We’re Getting Quashed, 110-69, which I’m pretty sure is the biggest margin of victory ever. To put it in perspective, MAGMA could have missed the first 8 questions of Round Four and still won.

Round four questions must have been a little too easy on Thursday, as two teams at the Bards aced the final round (MAGMA aced it at at the Dawg). But the Kingdom outplayed Nutter? I Hardly Knew Her in the speed round and that would prove to be the difference, as they won 112-107. Chucks Bike-O-Rama had the lead going into the final round, but had to settle for 3rd with 99.

Holy Freaking cow! ANother kickass festival this weekend!

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Dude, this is the craziest weekend ever (until Rubefest, hopefully in early June). In addition to the Rittenhouse Jam Session and the Italian Market Festival, the Trenton Ave. Art Festival in Fishtown is going to be happening on Saturday. This includes a Kinetic Sculpture Race, which is when people make a tricycle look like a giant turkey and then race. Plus, the Phils are gonna sweep the Blue Jays and move over .500. Who needs Intercourse?
UPDATE: It’s supposed to rain all freaking weekend. Aaaarg!

Bush Cronies continue covering selves in glory

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The problem with surrounding yourself with dishonorable, shady people is that they tend to do dishonorable, shady things. Paul Wolfowitz, the neocon who really pushed hard for a war in Iraq, has now resigned from World Bank under tremendous pressure for ethics violations. Meanwhile, Alberto Gonzales has been called out yet again for highly questionable behavior, trying to get John Ashcroft to sign off on domestic spying while lying in the ICU. Man, if we only we had a person of honor running this country, a person of integrity, then we wouldn’t have worry about these shenanigans. A good, honorable person…like Dick Cheney!!! (Inspired by this gutsy column, I am hereby making johnnygoodtimes.com your official Dick Cheney in ’08 Campaign Headquarters!)
Cartoon courtesy of the Guardian.

Italian Market Fest

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If you can’t make it to Rhubarb Fest, or are bitter because they have their Bake Off on a friday, which is total bulls***, then I highly suggest the Italian Market Festival. THis weekend, they are going to honor the Philadelphia Sound, so it should be awesome. And today, I am going to be working on making Philadelphia RubeFest a reality.

The Wheel of Terrific Comeback

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Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that Chip Chantry and I will be reviving the least popular game show in Delaware Valley history on Monday night, as we host the Wheel of Terrific at the Khyber as part of Die Actor Die. This will be the last time the vaunted wheel will ever appear. And therefore, we have decided to call it the “Big Wheel of Terrific”. That’s how incredible it’s going to be. We’re adding the word “Big”.

Bad News on the Rhubarb Front

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I called today to pre-register for the Rhubarb Festival when I got some terrible news: the Intercourse Rhubarb Bake-Off is on Friday, not Saturday. And pardon my French, but that is total bulls***. I mean, seriously, who can enter a Bake-off on a Friday at 10 a.m.? Who? I’ll tell you who. Housewives. This contest is totally fixed so that they win every goddamm year. It is ridiculous. I might still go to the Festival on Saturday, but it will be with a sour taste in my mouth. And that taste won’t be rhubarb.

So here is my thought: We should have a 1st annual Philadelphia Rhuabarb Festival in June. I am serious. Let’s challenge all the local dessert chefs to come up with the best rhubarb dessert. And then we get really drunk. Who’s with me?

The NBA pisses Willie off

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The NBA playoffs were dealt a major blow when, in the midst of a 7 game series between the best two teams in basketball, it decided to suspend two of Phoenix’s best players for leaving the bench, despite the fact that they didn’t lay a hand on anyone. It was a gutless, thoughtless decision by the NBA, and Willie thinks it ruined this years playoffs. Here are his thoughts:
Believe it or not, I was actually proud of the National Basketball Association and its commissioner David Stern before Tuesday. I was really enjoying the action of the NBA playoff for the first time in years as the game appeared to be returning to its former greatness of the late 1980’s that made me love it initially. Although he would not admit it, Stern seemed to be acting in a kinder and more benevolent way, which I feel is certainly good for the game. It is like he once again understood the competitiveness and intensity of the playoffs. While last year we saw James Posey and Ron Artest be suspended for doing barely more than breathing on an opponent too hard, this year’s NBA seemed more committed to pleasing the fans and not taking away from the competition unnecessarily. It seemed to start when Stern admitted that the new ball was a mistake and thus changed back to the old one. Then, the league refused to kill the excitement of the NBA playoffs by not suspending Baron Davis, Jason Richardson, and Bruce Bowen for physically borderline play. It seemed that the NBA had once again realized that this is the playoffs and to be overly strict on the players was to kill some of that natural intensity which the postseason breeds. Moreover, they seemed to realize what the fans wanted as opposed to forcing on them a corporate, watered-down product. I was actually proud of the NBA for a change, which felt weird but definitely good at the same time. For a moment, I had back the game I loved.

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