JGT Power Rankings

A lot of people ask me, “Johnny, how do you come up with these rankings?” I laugh, because it’s such a stupid question. Here’s how it works: I hand the scores over to my assistant Kenneth (above). He then plugs them into the JGT Supercomputer, located in the Super-secret JGT Lair deep within in the bowels of the city. The computer performs a series of mathematical equations that take into account a variety of factors (opponent strength, amount of beer consumed per team, weather conditions inside bar) and calulates them, then spits our Top 20.

So if you made the Top 20, you can rest assured that it’s because of a supercomputer that crunched all of the numbers, not because I just sat in front of a computer and just randomly selected teams. Ha! What kind of quizmaster would do that? Especially when he had a Super-computer at his Secret Lair deep within the bowels of the city?!

And please click “like” below if you’re team is in the Top 20. That way our supercomputer can follow your every move and report those moves back to the Federal Government. Thank you.

1. Duane’s World (Black Sheep). Only missed one question at the Black Sheep to maintain a razor thin lead over Jesters of Tortuga. If only the Jesters had any guts, they’d come out to the Sheep and try to take on the Duane’s World and claim the title. I wouldn’t expect to see those yellow-bellied cowards do such a thing, however, since they were born without spines. Last week: #1

2. Jesters of Tortuga (CTH/Bards) This team knows so little about saint dogs. Last week: #2

3. The Jams (Locust Rendezvous). Keep on rolling at the Vous with their 4th straight win, just waiting for one of the top 2 teams to fall. Last week: #3

4. We Got Nothin/Savage Ear (O’Neals). Knock off four ranked teams at O’Neals on Tuesday, rocketing them up the rankings. But can they get consistent turnout from the Toddfather? He’s been a big question mark this season. Last week: #13

5. Always Finish 4th (North Star). A blowout win at the North Star makes it 3 wins in the past 4 weeks for the red hot 4th. Last week: #9.

6. Sidecardigans (Sidecar). A 4th round choke and a devastating OT loss at the Sidecar. Can they bounce back? We’ll find out tonight. Last week: #4

7. No Names (Industry/O’Neals). They tie for 2nd at O’Neals. I want to talk to team member and CSN Hockey writer Sarah Baicker how we can incorporate the “Penalty Box” into quizzo. I want more Power Plays on the Quizzo Scene. Last Week: #5

8. Underground Bard (City Tap House). Another week, another 100+ performance…and another loss. Have to think this would be a Top 5 team if they occasionally took the show on the road, somewhere far away from the No-saint- dog-knowing-cowards. Last week: #7.

9. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion (Bards). Believe it or not, the Bards used to be home to the most intense quizzo competition in the city. Hurtin Bombs, Western Omelette, and Narcotyzing Dysfunktion could all take the Sofa Kingdom on on any given week. So it was exciting to see Narcotyzing Dysfunktion, or at least a few members of that squad, back in the house this Thursday. And they nearly pulled off a win over the Jesters, losing in OT. And even though he’s moved down South, it’s nice to know that Dysfunktion member Matt still makes off-color jokes that are followed by awkward silences. Last Week: NR

10. Look Up Look Down, I’m On a Horse. (Bards) These guys were once a thorn in Steak Em Up’s side at the Bards, and made an impressive return this week, losing to them by only 4. Could Pong be putting the band back together? Might things get competitive at the Bards again? Stay tuned. Last week: NR

11. Hobo Cops.

12. We Drink Your Sizzurp

13. Exhausted Nihilists.

14. Hooter and Chuff.

15. Blazing Sea Nuggets.

16. Ink Spots.

17. Jitney Spears.

18. Electric Mayhem.

19. Tempura House.

20. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics.