The Donspiracist Presents…Is Santa Claus Real?

We live in a society deep in denial ruled by a government that likes secrets. The elite who control our world love to supress information, especially if it involves messages of hope, love and peace. Their reach knows no bounds-religion, family, school and even Santa Claus. The common mainstream portrayal of him as a myth and a cute legend for children is designed to obfuscate the facts-that the real Santa poses a power and an influence that the ruling elite find inconvenient. Just as they ignore Ron Paul, they are doing the same with Father Christmas.


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Why is Santa such a problem for them? And how do I know he exists?

First of all, an inconvenient truth for Santa naysayers: we all know that the US Postal Service only puts the likeness of someone who has existed on its stamps. Therefore, since Santa has appeared on a stamp, we can infer that he has existed. Besides, he also gets more mail than any other individual person. How can a fictional person get all that mail? You have all seen Miracle on 34th Street. Conspiracy theorists know that Hollywood is often the place where the ruling elite leak out information about the true nature of the world. See Independence Day, Enemy of the State, E.T. and Minority Report, among many others.

“Why does NORAD track Santa?” you might ask. Because Santa is a security risk. He is a borderless man of ancient power and wisdom. He lives beyond laws and nationality. He subscribes to a creed of love and generosity that runs contrary to market capitalism. He has a workforce of “little people”, who are also passed off as myth, most especially in Britain. (Which of course opens up the case of J.R.R. Tolkien-the subject of a whole other essay. Tolkien insisted to his death that what he wrote was not fiction.). He inspires loyalty in the world’s children, something our rulers want for themselves.
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Therefore, they pass him off as a story, a fiction, a fairytale. But there’s more of science about Santa than fiction. Dr. Larry Silverberg, a professor of aerospace engineering at NC State, says that everything Santa does can be explained scientifically.

“Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognizes that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent,” Silverberg says. “Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.”

And he is not the only one invoking the theory of relativity and Einstein to prove that there is a Santa Claus. Randy Wright, executive editor of the Daily Herald, had this to say- Anti-Santa campaigns always rest upon simplistic science, the outdated notions of Newton or Euclid. They ignore Einstein’s relativity theory, in which space and time are not absolute. They brush off the quantum theory of Heisenberg and Bohr, which should keep us all pretty humble about what we think we know.

What is the main evidence presented by Santa doubters? Only that they’ve never seen an elf. In failing to look beyond their own limited existence, they join with those who believed the world was flat, that man would never fly, that no human could travel 100 mph and live, and that a Hollywood actor could never be president.

Evidence of St. Nick is often hidden right under our noses. For instance, consider this ad for Shannon Airport in Ireland for trips to Lapland to see the big guy in red: Highlights of this adventure include reindeer sleigh & husky rides, a private meeting with Santa, exclusively organized winter activities and a visit to the Santa Claus Village. These trips are not cheap. If people taking this trip did not actually meet Santa Claus, don’t you think there would be a line at the Better Business Bureau a mile long? If this whole thing were an elaborate sham, wouldn’t this company quickly become the Enron of travel companies? Yet neither of these things has happened.

The point is that it’s easy to accept the official story of existence. It’s easy to dismiss things we can’t easily see as fairytales. But it’s harder to remember that historical evidence can be manipulated. Jesus, after all, left no direct historical record, yet we have no problem accepting him. Science is continually changing its view of the world, as new evidence presents itself. New species are continually being uncovered in the remote regions of the Earth. Only hubris leads us to think we already know all there is to know. As the writer of the famous letter to Virginia affirming there is a Santa Claus says: Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

Amen.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Ho! Ho! Ho!