Comments on: The 2nd Annual JGT Bad Writing Contest: Christmas Edition

By: Cecil Citrus

Cecil Citrus — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:24:43 +0000

Oh? The contest is over
Damn these Dollar store calanders
well just change santa to the Easter Bunny

By: Cecil Citrus

Cecil Citrus — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:22:23 +0000

As Santa descended the chimney, he thought ” Oh no, Please no more cookies and milk”
as he stepped from the fireplace he looked to the end table on top was a note ” Dear Santa, Thank you, I hope you enjoy!” under the note was KY Warming Jelly and a novelty mini baseball bat, you know, the kind ballparks give out on small novelty bat day.
Santa smiled, and stepped into the hallway closet. The kids were awoken when santa's heart gave out and he fell pantless onto the floor.

By: Punchy

Punchy — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:48:14 +0000

I need my nickel bag of funk, where's the voting?

By: Lefty Smutzface

Lefty Smutzface — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:37:18 +0000

Santa was relaxing in his leather lounge chair drinking an iced SoCo and listening to Sting's new Winter Celebration CD when his doorbell rang,
He opened it to find several elves holding boxes.
Santa smiled at each elf's effort to "give them man who gives gifts, a gift".
After collecting several boxes from his helper's , he sat down and wrote a check to each elf and personally thanked them for defacating into pizza boxes and donating their underwear.He signed his full name
Santa Clause Savitz. " This is what Christmas is all about" he thought to himself and smirked.

If you have no idea what I am talking about
for more info please check -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Savitz

By: chipchantry

chipchantry — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:42:24 +0000

Santa, drunk off the power, and high from the “snowball” he just snorted off of Sarah Palin's OF AGE daughter's stomach, leapt into the sleigh, before the glacier was too small to take off. The glacier was melting because those c#nts in Washington refuse to deal with climate change the way it should be- just ask @guardianuk.

Anyway, as the coked-up beast vaulted his massive, sweaty framed onto his vehicle, he aggressively slurred, “On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer! On– AH, what the F@CK??!! GET THE F@CK OFF THE BACK OF MY SLEIGH, CHRIS HENRY! GET OFF THE GODDAMN SLEIGH!”

By: Johnny Goodtimes

Johnny Goodtimes — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:00:11 +0000

The iceburg had created an enormous gash in the supposedly unsinkable ships bow, and water was flooding the watertight compartments. In a room above, Captain Smith spoke with the architect of the monstrous ship, Thomas Andrews. Andrews looked solemnly below at the compartments filling up. “She will be below water in two hours. There is no-one who can save us now.”

Then, when Andrews looked up, he saw a twinkle in Captain Smith's eye. The jolly fat man with the white beard who captained the ship was…NO! It couldn't be true! Captain Smith winked. It was true. Everybody was going to be OK.

By: Happy Wrong Number

Happy Wrong Number — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 02:13:28 +0000

And there it was. For years I had waited for Santa to finally heed my Christmas wishes, but it was finally under the tree. I didn't even have to unwrap the gift. I knew the unmistakable shape of one foot high cylinder with a radius of seven inches.

Finally, my popcorn tin.

I ripped off the paper, and what lay within but the finest caramel, cheese flavored, and butter popcorn so carefully portioned. What flavor would I choose to consume first? I closed my eyes, reached inside, and let fate decide...

By: Name

Name — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:56:16 +0000

Tracy dialed the number from memory, still fuming from the embarrassment of the night’s ordeal.

“Ho Ho H…”

“Don’t give me that crap Nick. I don’t see why you can’t just give me coal or something..”

“I thought you’d like him”

“A blind date for Christmas is not a gift… especially with an ass like Johnny whatever the hell his name is.”

By: Name

Name — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:49:09 +0000

A lone iceburg drifts past the North Pole. The sleigh careens toward the edge as two geriatric men fight to control the reigns.

“This is crazy. I checked my list twice - You’re as bad as they get”

“Sorry, my no-bid contract says this gig belongs to Haliburton now.”

“But you’re supposed to give to the children, not take away their future”

“Well ‘SAINT’ Nicholas… They don’t call me Dick because I’m a nice guy.”

By: Adam

Adam — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:28:18 +0000

It was Christmas eve and Joe Carter & Mariano Rivera were set for their annual caroling around south philly…