Many of you may remember how much fun we had last year with the Alf Landon Bad Writing Competition. Well we’re doing it again this year, with the Bad Christmas Novel Competition. Here’s how it’s going to work. It can be one short sentence or up to 75 words, as long as it creates the worst opening possible to a Christmas tale. It can be about the Baby Jesus, about Ol’ Saint Nick, heck it can be about Alf Landon’s fruitcake for all I care. Just make it funny and bad. Really, really bad. Worst opening paragraph will win a $20 gift certificate to the Sidecar Bar and Grille, a free t-shirt courtesy of our friends at phillyphaitful.com, and a large bottle of Sly Fox Christmas Ale. Just post your entry below in the comments by next Tuesday at Noon, at which time I will select the worst ten and put them up for a vote. You must fill out a valid email address in the comments or I won’t be able to contact you if you win. Therefore people who don’t submit an email address won’t be eligible to win. No, I won’t be selling your email info to some major corporation that specializes in teeth whitening or penile enlargement. I am way too lazy to do something like that. I’ll get us started with my submission.
There was no way that Santa could have known that the Soviets were going to attack. As he looked around a bombed-out workshop filled with tiny, lifeless bodies, though, that served as little consolation.
Get crackin, and may the worst writer win!
NOTE: I can’t accept submissions that are too graphic. Sorry, but my grandmom reads this site for heaven’s sake.