Monthly Archives: January 2009

Scoreboard, Brought to You by Wing Bowl Classiness

Posted on January 30, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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O’NEALS

  1. Not Carrying Your Dead Weight 78
  2. Why’s John’s Rum Gone? 70
  3. This Is What Happens Larry 57
  4. This Is Not a Bus 56
  5. Balzac 48

BARDS

  1. Hurley Needs a Cool Codename 88*
  2. Sofa Kingdom 88
  3. Shut Updike 62
  4. All the SIngle Ladies 56
  5. Western Omelette 53

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 88
  2. 1022 75
  3. No One’s As Irish As Barack Obama 67
  4. Jessica Simpson Hearts Cheesesteak Soup 58
  5. Michelle the Legend 57

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 97
  2. Cat Dog 87
  3. The Filers 67
  4. No Thrill w/o Bill 64
  5. Smells Like Mice 59

GOOD DOG

  1. Fort Awesome 86
  2. Homosexual Agenda 83
  3. Weak Stream 83
  4. How Big Is Your Stimulus Package? 80
  5. Shomer Shabbas 70

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 114**
  2. Eschaton 103
  3. Lamda Lamda Lamda 102
  4. Hurtin Bombs 95
  5. Pre-Teen Pregnancy Pact 88

*Almost pulled off one of the biggest chokes in quizzo history. After blowing a ten point lead in the final round, we went to double overtime. Question was, “Kurt Warner has the record for most yards in a Super Bowl. How many yards did he throw for?” Gabe said “414″. He was right, and the Sofa Kingdom had no clue. However, Gabe inexplicably said it so loud that the Kingdom heard, so we went to triple OT, and Hurley Needs a Codename was able to win it then.
**Busiest night of the year at the Bards Thursday. Crazy packed. And I had to pay out $30. A damn shame. For the record, Tues./Wed.’s quiz was a fair amount harder than Thursdays.

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The Truth About Wing Bowl

Posted on January 30, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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America’s most ludicrous event is going down as we speak (In fact, Koob of the SK is in one of the contestant’s entourages.) Here’s the write up I did last year for the Metro. I received a fair amount of hate mail for this one.

Emotophilia is a sexual fetish in which an individual is aroused by seeing other people vomit. And the largest congregation of emotophiliacs in the world assemble annually for Wing Bowl, hoping that their perverted desires are met by gargantuan wing-eaters and scantily clad strippers. These emetophiliacs are predominately angry men embittered by a lifetime of following Philadelphia sports teams (I am going to coin a new term here: emeto-masochists). A smattering of scantily clad sirens, hoping to get a quick rush of self esteem by exposing their greatest assets, populate the arena as well.

I arrived on the high one gets by staying up all night with friends, ready to tackle a new and unusual experience, combined with a fair amount of alcohol. We entered the arena, and as our buzzes wore off, our eyelids began to gain weight. That is because Wing Bowl is a 15 minute event stretched into a 2 ½ hour spectacle. The contestants’ lap around the arena floor takesn an interminable amount of time. The first couple of guys to enter gain a fair amount of attention due to their scantily clad escorts, who occasionally satisfy the crowd’s incessant chants of “Show your wrists!” It is initially amusing, but after you’ve seen the first eight pairs of fake wrists, you’ve seen them all.

Then as the crowd begins to to doze off, the Jumbotron displays the highlight of the 2001 Wing Bowl, when a losing contestant released a torrent of vomit that rivaled anything you emitted on your most drunken night of college. And the crowd goes wild, their emetophilian desires met.

I began to fall asleep, until a fan angrily screamed at to “Wake the heck up!” (Apparently, I was sullying the integrity fo the event by falling asleep.) And so I awoke to what seemed like Dante’s seventh level of hell: slothful men, surrounded by women of vice, cheered on by the types of people who root for career ending injuries in football games, my faith in humanity irreparably damaged.

*Ok, so they were chanting something that sort of sounds like wrists. And the guy next to me chanted this at least 400 times, without ever uttering another sentence.
**He did not use the word “Heck.”

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Posted in Announcements

Quizzo Tonight

Posted on January 29, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Alright kids, it’s the last night of Nobody scores 100 week, and I’m hoping to crush your souls and spirits again tonight. First off, at the Good Dog, where things are still pretty wide open. Ever team has a chance at the Good Dog. Except for the Underachievers. But I love ‘em for showing up every week anyway. Game is at 8 p.m.

If you want instant quizzo fame (and who doesn’t, really?), then win tonight at the Bards. There are rumors of the Sofa Kingdom, Hurtin Bombs, Satan’s Minions and Lamda Lamda Lamda all being there, so if you pull off the win, you’re sending a message. Kickoff at 10:15 p.m. Hope to see ya tonight!

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Quizzo in Columbus

Posted on January 29, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Just came across a column about quizzo in Columbus. I was reading along and enjoying it when it came to this part: “It’s something that’s so prevalent in other cities — Indianapolis, Minneapolis and, obviously, New York. Um, what in the hell are you talking about? There might be a few pub quizzes here and there, but don’t give me this “Obviously, New York” crap. New York is known for a lot of things. Quizzo is not one of them. Everybody in Philly knows quizzo. I bet 9 out of 10 New Yorkers don’t know it. Sorry Columbus, but get your history straight before you go spouting off to the liberal media.

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Bounty Bowl!

Posted on January 29, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Alright kids, we’ll have our first Bounty Bowl in over a month next week. Duane’s World won for the 5th straight time last night, so next week at the Black Sheep there will be a $20 bounty on their heads. According to my calculations, they are the 6th team to have a bounty put on their heads (but I could be wrong. Let me know if your team has had a bounty on their head before), after the Sofa Kingdom, MAGMA, the Jams, Satan’s Minions, and the Young the Old and the Restless. Pretty good company that. Also, good news. JGT shows up on the first page when you google “Bounty bowl”, just a notch below the infamous 1989 Eagle-Cowboy games. I’m pretty proud of that. So is Luis Zendejas.

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Quizzo News and Notes

Posted on January 28, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Yeah, so this week’s quiz is hard. Mad hard. Hardest ever. Last night, I had two teams score in the 80s, two in the 70s, and I think all of the other teams scored under 60. And we had plenty of teams at both spots. I might ease off the gas just a bit tonight, but not too much. There’s still money on the line. My money. The good news about a hard quiz? It was hard for everybody, and we got two fairly random winners last night. I love my regulars, but parity is a good thing. We’ll see if that carries over tonight. As for Quizzo Bowl, well you cheap bastards have spoken. 2 out of 3 people want to do it somewhere for $20 instead of the Marriott next month, so it looks like we’re pushing it back a month. It will be late March/Early April. Once I get my car fixed I’ll go talk to the folks at 8th and Washington and see if we can do a dim sum Quizzo Bowl. That might be a lot of fun.

  • Tonight, we kick off at the Rendezvous at 6:15. The Mission, as always? Knock off the Jams.
  • Then, at 8 p.m., Duane’s World goes for 5 straight at the Black Sheep. Can you stop them?

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This is Absolutely, Unquestionably, Going to Make Your Day

Posted on January 28, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Trust me on this one. It reminds me of worst album covers ever. I want to thank my good man Jim for sending this in. Got anything that you think I should post? Send it in!

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Denver Has Their Geek Bowl III

Posted on January 28, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Our friends out in Denver just had their Geek Bowl III, and it was apparently a huge success. 360 people, and they sold out in five days. Their Big Event is a little harder to put together in some ways (They have 8 freaking rounds) and easier in others (Their venue rental fee was $500. That would pay for an room for us if I was able to cut Quizzo Bowl down to about a 10-15 minutes run time.) But all in all, it sounds like it was a major success, and he’s hoping to go bigger next year. I am planning on attending next year, and if any teams want to make a mid-winter weekend getaway to a place that’s even colder than here, let me know. By the by, one thing I noticed is that a lot more teams in Denver had team outfits made. I cannot have that. I think team uniforms may be worth extra points this year at Quizzo Bowl. I will not allow Denver to have more flair!

RELATED: More Geek Bowl goodness.

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Happy Birthday Rakim

Posted on January 28, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments


Rakim, one of the greatest rappers of all time, turns 41 today. Happy Birthday Rakim.

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Your most humiliating loss?

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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With all of this talk about the 100-0 game last week, I thought I should turn it over to you guys. Please post below your most humiliating loss or the most humiliating loss your school had. I was on Bobby’s Little League baseball team, the one that gave up 39 runs in the first inning. We went 0-15 that year, and never lost by less than 10. But there was one game when we were up in the last inning when the umpire called it off due to rain with two outs, so we had to replay the whole game and lost the replayed game 15-1. I also played on a terrible JV basketball team. We lost to Central Middle School 72-7. I remember that I led the team in scoring that day with 3 points. We also lost to Arcadia’s JV team, 57-4. Then there was the Rock Academy team, a supposedly Christian school that kept the full court press on the whole game and beat us 93-25. We played them again a few months later on our home court and held a 48-46 lead with 5 seconds left to play. Then a kid who hadn’t played for them when they beat us by 68 hit a 3 pointer at the buzzer to beat us, 49-48. That was probably my most devastating loss.

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Posted in Sports

Nobody Scores 100 Week

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Just a quick heads up that this weeks quiz will be harder than normal. I’m pretty angry about the perfect score from last week and have decided to take it out on you, the players. Therefore, I am guaranteeing that no-one scores 100 points this week, not even that girls basketball team in Dallas. Any team that scores 100 or more will get an extra $10 and their photo taken with me dejectedly handing them the money. My money and my dignity has never been safer. Brawhahahahaha! We kick it off tonight at O’Neals at 8 p.m. and the Bards at 10 p.m.

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About that 100-0 Basketball Game: Get Over It By Bobby Badtimes

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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I am so sick of all the hand-wringing going on over the 100-0 girls basketball game last weekend. I really am. About how the coach of the winning team was a monster and the girls who lost were the “real winners”. It’s really got me pissed off. A few thoughts about it:

  • The coach of the winning team (Covenant) is not an evil monster. The AP story reads: A parent who attended the game said Covenant continued to make 3-pointers — even in the fourth quarter. The coach would have been a monster if he had instructed his girls to miss three pointers in the 4th quarter. That would have made a mockery of the game and sport. What was the coach supposed to do? Tell his players to miss shots on purpose? Hand the ball to the other team and let them shoot? If I am coaching a game and my team gets way out ahead, I pull out my best players and have my team play zone defense. But I’m not going to tell the kids that are in there to not play hard. That would be much more humiliating to the losing team than losing 100-0.
  • The girls who lost are not the “real winners”. They are real losers. They lost 100-0. That is disgraceful. I blame their coach more for not making them competitive than I blame the other coach for running up the score. But what is most disgraceful is how the media has handled it. All the stories are about how the team that lost (Dallas Academy) is made up of girls with dyslexia and short attention spans. Who gives a s***? Does that really make this worse? They aren’t blind and deaf. Hell, I’ve got a short attention span. It has never affected my abilities on a basketball court.
  • The Covenant team had a goal and they accomplished it. 100 points in a game was their goal. They achieved it. Good for them.
  • I have been in a game as bad as this. I was on a Little League baseball team that gave up 39 runs…in the first inning! The game was called of darkness after one inning, with them leading 39-1. I never considered their coach to be a jerk. I would have if he had ordered his players to bunt and then walk down to first base.
  • Apologize for winning? Covenant School issued an apology after the game. An apology for winning! What does this say about our society? That our winners have to apologize to our losers? “I’m sorry that I’m better than you.” Should Obama apologize to McCain for beating him so badly? Should he have let up on his campaigning in North Carolina and Virginia, just to make the score closer? Should the Eagles apologize for beating the Cowboys 44-6 in the last game of the regular season?
  • The team that lost is called Dallas Academy. I am OK with any team that goes by the name Dallas losing by a lot of points.
  • I am Bobby Badtimes. Beware my Wrath!

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Posted in Bobby Badtimes

Question of the Week

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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What was the name of the grocery store where Kurt Warner stocked shelves for $5.50 an hour?

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Posted in Question of the Week

Quick Notes

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Arthur| View Comments

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Posted in Uncategorized