Monthly Archives: March 2006

The latest from Nolan

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Remember Andy Nolan, the guy who wrote all the great obits I told you about a few weeks ago? His latest was delightfully simple, coming with the headline, “Caspar the Friendly Ghost”. It read, Weinberger’s in Paradise.

Damn, yo

My nose was stuffed up when i got up this morning, so I took an antihistamine, and I went down like I was shot by a freaking cannon. Anyways, just got up out of bed. Thank goodness I don’t have a job! Well, now I’m going out to Dolce Carini for pizza. I’m still waiting to hear from my pizza partners on Wednesday and Thursday, so I’ll have my reviews of them up as soon as possible. And yeah, I gotta throw up stories for this week’s winners. I’ll get all that stuff done after lunch.

Quick Bit

Me and Trivia Art just met up with some of the guys from Sofa Kingdom for pizza at Pizza Rustica. I’ll probably have a review tomorrow, but in the meantime, I wanted to pass along the following conversation. The topic of Club Wizzards had come up b/c I had a bunch of ones on me.
Sweeney McSweeney: I had a roomate who used to be a stripper there.
Koob: Yeah, she ended up marrying the guy who hosted quizzo at the New Deck. Not Pat, but one of the guys who did quizzo for him.
JGT: So there is hope for a guy like me.
Koob: Oh, no, this was a psycho Japanese chick.
JGT: (deadpan) So there is hope for a guy like me.

Man, sometimes I am just too damn funny.

Lazaro’s Pizza

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I went into Lazaro’s (flying Han Solo) on Tuesday preparing to be underwhelmed. Nothing against the place, but I always hear great things about it, and my pizza there is always…fine. I mean, it’s good, but it’s nothing special, and extremely greasy. I like grease as much as the next guy, but not when there are giant puddles of it on my pie that need to be sopped up with a napkin. On Tuesday, I went pepperoni style. It was a lot less greasy than usual, and was actually pretty good. The crust is kind of crunchy, and I personally like soft crust better. The ambiance? Well Lazaro’s is definitely a pick up and delivery place, but I do like the fact that they have a lot of Philly sports stuff on the walls. Gives it a nice Philly feel. And then, inexplicably, they have three New York license plates above one of the doors. WTF? That costed them half a pepperoni. Give them 2 and a half!
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P.S. When I got hungry later in the day, I didn’t return to Lazaro’s. Instead I got a meatball sandwich from the cart on 19th and South. Damn good sandwich. Give it four meatballs!
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Hilary Swankie reports from DC

Things on the DC quizzo scene haven’t gotten much better. Here’s the latest from former Philly playa Hilary Swankie:
So we were pretty excited about this quizzo because it’s just blocks from where we all live. Unfortunately, we are going to need to suck it up and go to places far from home because it was the WORST QUIZZO EVER. They don’t supply pens. We had to ask for a pen and the guy handing out score sheets looked totally annoyed that we would even ask. They rejected our first name because it “wouldn’t fit on the score sheet” that was posted above the bar. The host (not the guy handing out score sheets, scoring, etc) was not funny. Period. (By the way, obviously hosting quizzo is a lot more difficult than I realized in Philly because everyone here seems to have multiple hosts/helpers.) There were 8 rounds. I thought 7 was bad last time. The first round was math questions. Could be reasonable MAYBE if it was multiple choice. But instead the gave us definitions and we had to tell them the mathematical term. We got 4 out of 10. It’s not a good idea to start with a totally impossible round to make us feel really stupid and bitter immediately. I wanted to leave. The host was not funny. (It is worth saying again.) Just totally ridiculous questions. We came in last place. **Things started getting hazy around round 2 already because we started drinking heavily to make up for the miserable 2 more hours that we were about to endure. You need to come down here and do a quizzo hosting training.

The Greatest Email Ever

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OK, so I posted a couple of things about a local rapper named Chase Millionz, posting a couple of funny stories about how the Jams were big fans of his. Click here to read Story #1 and Story #2. So you can imagine my excitement when I went to check my computer this morning and received the following e-mail: Hey man, I saw your two articles on ‘Chase Millionz’. Too damn funny. How did you know that I rap? I’m sending you a few of my songs. If you like them, feel free to play them anywhere you want. If you have any other questions, let me know. Keep doin’ how you do! You’re the best!!!

That’s right, an email from Chase Millionz himself! This makes it official. Johnny Goodtimes and Chase Millionz are hereby joining forces to take over this city, and johnnygoodtimes.com is now your official quizzo and Chase Millionz headquarters. Here’s his myspace profile, on which you can hear him rap! If you scroll down a little bit you can check out some of his other tunes. Johnny Goodtimes: Just Doin’ How He Do. I think I’ve got a new motto.

Yo peeps

2nd straight post quizzo shutdown of the Bards. Bad idea. I forgot the plumber(not nearly as cute as the cleaning lady) was coming in first thing this morning. Ouch, I’m exhausted Now, I gotta go study my Spanish and then have pizza with a rather attractive local celebrity. I’ll try to get that review up this afternoon, but if not, I’ll have it tommorrow. I gotta give you my Lazaro’s review today. In the meantime, read here about the confrontation between Alec Baldwin and Sean Hannity. And the Philly Film Festival is coming soon, so figure out which films you wanna see. Last year, Bobby Badtimes saw a collection of experimental short films. Do not do this! It was his worst filmgoing experience ever.

Hey gang

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Finally got around to watching Crash last night. Pretty damn good movie, I thought. Was it Oscar worthy? I dunno, what is Oscar worthy? I mean Titanic won 11 Oscars, and that was the most overwrought piece of waste ever put on celluloid. The guy at the Blockbuster (who had the SWEETEST waxed moustache) didn’t find it worthy. He said that other than Matt Dillon, everybody sleptwalked through their parts. I didn’t think so. I thought it maintained a high level of tension throughout, and hell, even Sandra Bullock didn’t suck in this movie, which is a first for her. Yeah, there were definitely some overdramatic moments towards the end, but overall, I would highly suggest you watch this flick. Now, I’m heading over to Lazaro’s and then getting my hair cut off.

Question of the Week

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Who was the first ever rapper or rap group to have an album go diamond (sell 10 million copies)?

JGT Likes the Gamecocks win at Sports Quizzo

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JGT Likes the Gamecocks won the sports quizzo held on Sunday at Barrister’s, missing only one question in the entire game. Of course, you might recognize a couple of the faces. They are members of The Champs, two time Quizzo Bowl champions. “Hey Johnny,” asked Smooth Rob S. after the contest, “I wonder if you could host a quizzo with a theme like ‘Obscure 19th century Bikers’. That way we wouldn’t automatically win. Ah, nevermind, yeah we would.”

A first

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For the first time in my life, I hired a cleaning lady. Yes, I think that makes it official. I am one of the elite. (Of course, the other way of looking at it is, my house got so out of control messy that I needed professional help). Regardless, wow, the place looks a hell of a lot better. And speaking of looking good, the cleaning lady herself was pretty damn cute. She’s a Mexican who doesn’t speak much English, so that gave me a great chance to work on my Spanish. Finally, a chance for me to get shot down by a girl in a completely different language! (Sure, I have failed with Mexican women before, but not while speaking their language.) Anyways, I am going to celebrate my clean house by taking a walk in the park on this glorious day (Alas, not with the cleaning woman). But I’ll be back tommorrow with results of the Barrister’s Sports Quizzo, and I’ll get back on the pizza train tommorrow as well. Heck, I’ll even throw the winners of last week at the Dive up on the site.

Mama Palma’s

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Headed to Mama Palma’s on Friday with several young ladies from the Spanish Pantalonies. Let’s get down to business. The service was good Philly style service. The waiter had a smart mouth, but he was fun and funny. The Coke’s were fizzy and non-chalky. We quickly established that we were going to be annoying, asking for pizza with half one thing, half the other, getting blue cheese for our pizza, etc. Blue cheese? Yeah, two of the girls are from Rochester, and they claim that it’s a Rochester thing. I guess it’s their big claim to fame. Philly gave us the Constitution, Rochester gave us blue cheese on pizza. Anyways, it was a good call, as the blue cheese was a nice touch. I may be kickin’ it Rochester style on future pizza outings. So despite our badgering, the waiter stayed cool, and brought us out our pizza’s. One was a sausage and artichoke heart job, the other was a crab and asparagus pizza. To me, the artichoke pizza was kind of “Eh”, but the crab and asparagus was mindblowing. Without question, the best pizza I’ve had yet. It was a flavor that just got better the more you ate of it. I ended up eating six slices in all. Then, as I was deciding whether or not to eat the seventh, our waiter brought us out some tiramisu…on the house! The tiramisu was downright dreamy. Hold on, let me think of a word less lame than dreamy. No, no, ok nevermind. It was dreamy. Here’s what the others thought.
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First up is Jenny (3rd from right, hidden by JGT’s enormous head): 3 pepperoni for the pizza. Fresh ingredients including the excellent crab meat proved very enjoyable. .5 pepperoni for the lack of dirty looks when asked for a side of blue cheese and 1 cherry on top for the scrumptious (and complimentary) tiramisu! That’s 3.5 pepperoni and 1 cherry. I can do that, right? Next up we have Renee (2nd from left): I especially liked the sausage and artichoke heart pizza. The crust was also nice and crunchy and not too thick (a plus in my book). The prices were reasonable. And then of course they get bonus points for the free tiramisu. Finally, we have Amy (far right): Unlike my co-pizza devourers, I wasn’t swayed by the free tiramisu that our waiter delivered at the end. Gave up sweets for lent, so this is an unbiased run-down of Mama Palma’s pizza. Mama’s has an excellent selection ofgourmet creations, offering up combinations that you wouldn’t normally put together yourself. This is nice, it forces adventure. I thought that the Artichoke & Sausage pizza was solid: nice, crumbled sausage, good sauce and a crunchy crust. The Crab & Asparagus pizza, though, took the prize. Props for the big chunks of crab, the big strips of asparagus and fresh lemon slices to squeeze. All in all? I’d give it 4 out of 5 pepperonis. But I’m no expert. . .
Well, I am an expert, Amy, and I’m going to agree with you. That’s right, JGT is handing out his first four pepperoni pizza! Feel free to drop your own two cents on Mama’s below.
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NYPD PIZZA

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I went with Cheney’s Got a Gun (Home court: The Vous) to NYPD Pizza on Thursday for lunch. Now, when you first walk in, the New York theme is heavily represented. Lots of pics of the skyline, various Yankees, etc. I hate the Yankees. It seems like every year, they seem to think that free agency is…ok, ok, I’m getting pulled off point here. Where were we? Oh yes. Also, on the counter is a little plaque showing that they made Philadelphia Magazine’s Best Of…in 2005. Now, I doubt that the Philly mag staffer even tried the pizza. He or she probably just walked in, said, “Wow, this is sixth-burroughrific! It’s places like this that are going to finally make us NY Lite!” And gave them a plaque.

OK, first off, I’ve had their BBQ chicken pizza before and remembered it was good. So I was hoping for it again. No luck. In fact, for a place that sells slices, they didn’t have much to choose from. Spinach, eggplant, sausage, or pepperoni seemed to be the only choices. Maybe they had just had a lunch rush and run out of other stuff. Who knows. But I got spinach, and it was pretty unmemorable. Then I went back and got a slice of the deep dish pizza, which was quite a bit better but still not great. I know I’ve had NYPD Pizza before and thought it was really good. But this time it was kind of so-so.
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Here’s what fellow taster Chris thought: My pizza experience at NYPD pizza can be summed up in 2 words-mediocre. I had the pleasure of choosing the deep dish and the vegetable slices from a limited array of pizza, sub par selection if you will, especially at a time designated by society as an official lunch hour. (Arrival time 12:40). On a scale of ‘roni’s I would have to award NYPD two roni’s. Though, I will give credit to their crushed red pepper flakes, they were delicious. Next up was Jazmine, far right, who liked it a bit more than Chris: The square pizza was thick, juicy, and the cheese was melted to perfection without it tasting like it was cooked under a light bulb. As for the slice of sausage, I would have probably have liked it better if the cheese was melted on top of the bite-sized sausages, this way the little suckers wouldn’t have been rolling off, but it was still great! It gets a three on the pepperoni scale.
Here’s what Kim (far left) thought: I wasn’t too thrilled about this place. The choices were limited and the red sauce tasted like the standard canned stuff you can get at the grocery store. Overall, I’d give it 2.5 pepperonis. Not bad, but not great either. I gotta go with Kim. It measures a 2.5 on the Roni Scale.
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Aw Schnap!

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Man, I got a ton of work to do this afternoon. It’s almost like I’m turning into…into one of you people. It’s almost like Philadelphia’s only true man of leisure has…a REAL JOB! Then again, part of my job consists of eating pizza. So not really. Speaking of pizza, I am heading off to Mama Palma’s. When I return, I will have a review of Mama’s and NYPD Pizza, where I ate yesterday. Plus I’ll be doing the stories of this week’s winners. And recovering from this nasty hangover.