Monthly Archives: February 2006

Yes, there will be quizzo at O’Neals tonight, despite the fact that there will be a bunch of amateurs on the street celebrating Mardi Gras. Of course, all women that play tonight do have to show their boobs. Hey, that’s not my policy. That just came down from corporate. Hope to see you there!

What is Florida Atlantic graduate Scott Thompson better known as?

The following report comes from former Defective Sidewalker Hilary Swankie, who is now an official JGT correspondant in Washington DC. She played DC quizzo last night. Here is her report:
So I went to “trivia night” last night. For starters, they call it trivia
night, not quizzo. I was with 2 former Philly people who were similarly
distraught about the lame name. It was completely disorganized, they had
three, I repeat, THREE, people hosting, checking answers, etc, there was no
music between rounds, their jokes weren’t funny, and it was seven (and again I must repeat SEVEN) rounds. I could go on and on. Now, my team came in 3rd but if they were smart and made each round worth more points (which they should have because they got increasingly harder), we would have killed. But instead they were lame and not funny. Not saying I won’t go back again but I will say, it ain’t no Johnny Goodtimes quizzo.

Yep, it’s time for the second annual “Everybody on the Website Week”. So everyone who plays this week will get their picture taken and be on the site, even if your team scores like 37 points. Man, I hope the dude who played last year (above) comes back this week. Oh, and vote for me in the Philly Style Mag Thing. Tommorrow is the deadline.

Thanks for coming to johnnygoodtimes.com, your Grey’s Anatomy headquarters. The women in the show were all total bitches last night. Meredith cried during sex that, I might remind the reader, she initiated (bitch move), and that one lady runs out on her fiancee right before he has heart surgery (total bitch move). McDreamy’s ex-wife (now renewed) totally gets her comeuppance for her bitch move, and it looks like she is really gonna get it next week, when Meredith is gonna take her husband back from her. Izzy has the hots for some dude with heart issues, which is pissing off Alec, but it’s not really a bitch move. He deserves it. What was he thinking when he cheated on her with that girl with the tiny mouth? Dumbass.

You know it’s a slow news day when one of the top news stories at philly.com is about loitering. I hope that this article is the first in a five part series. “Tommorrow, come face to face with a man who double parked in South Philly.” But back to loitering. I’m a big fan of loitering. I think it’s a great concept. I mean, do we constantly have to be moving forward? Can’t we take a few minutes to loaf, to loiter on the way there? In fact, I say we defy these do-gooders who want us to move more and contemplate less. I am declaring March to be National Loiterers Month. I hope you will join me in loitering as much as possible, if only for a few seconds, just to defy those who are trying to take away our right as Americans to loiter.

Dunno if you guys know who Mitch Hedberg is, but he’s this hilarious comedian who died last year. I just stumbled across some of his great lines and thought I would share. Enjoy!
-Last night my friend drank 26 bottles of O’Douls… He is a non-alcoholic.
-I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
-I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
-I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.
-I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
-I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
-I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
-I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, “I’m hungry,”… so it died.
-Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
-Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
-A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps. It says to the syrup “You ain’t goin’ anywhere!”
-A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
-The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.

I’ll post victory stories this afternoon, but in the meantime, I stumbled across this yesterday and it’s really an incredible story of a guy who rode his lawnchair 16,000 feet into the sky just for the hell of it in 1982. I think you’re gonna enjoy it.

This story rules! Alright, 19 year old dude runs for town council under the platform of “Less police officers”. A month after he loses, he robs a bank. He’s caught, then he escapes from the courthouse and disappears in Harrisburg. Let’s take these facts one at a time. First, did he run for city council in the hopes that he would get the police force reduced, and then rob the bank with a 50% less chance of getting caught? If so, this guy is a freaking genius. I guess after the loss, he was like, “Screw it. I’m robbing the bank anyway.” So he does it, gets caught, and then figures out an escape plan, complete with getaway car (getaway cars rule!) And he’s 19 years old? I don’t like to use the phrase wunderkind, but that’s what we may have here. Then he flees to the state capital. Will he try, against all odds, to revive his career there by giving an impassioned address on the capital floor, a la jimmy Stewart in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”? Stay tuned!

Alright, peeps, here’s the video I sent into the 10! to get selected. Got to give mad props to my man D-Mac for recording this and making it digital. If you were a little bit on the fence as to whether or not I was a dork, I think this tape should settle that. Enjoy!

Per the last bit for those who don’t know: the previous host of the show, Lauren Hart, left the show for a singing career.

I’m going back to espagnol class after a layoff, so I’m not gonna be posting until the afternoon. In the meantime, enjoy this quote from figure skater Johnny Weird. “I know that a lot of people, especially the more Republican-style people, are very afraid of what I mean to the sport and what I’m going to say, what kind of revolutionary, crazy things are going to come out of my mouth. And good for them. They should be scared.” Revolutionary, huh? Did Che ever dress like a giant chicken?