Monthly Archives: May 2005

Contestants in an annual cheese rolling competition in England suffered a number of injuries as they chased a wheel of cheese down a hill. I think we should have some ridiculous competition like this here in Philly, other than Wing Bowl. Any ideas?

Underground music legend Wesley Willis would have turned 42 today if he were still alive. His music is hilarious, depressing, and uplifting all at the same time. For those of you who have never heard of Wesley, I highly suggest you check out some of these tunes. I suggest “Rock and Roll McDonalds” and “Cut That Mullet”.

I went to Jim Thorpe over the weekend and did some white water rafting. But the highlight of the trip may have been the visit to the jail in town. It was plenty creepy enough in its own right, but what really took it over the top was the mysterious handprint on the wall. A man, about to be hung in the 1870s, rubbed his hand on the ground and then smacked it against the wall, saying that the handprint would never wash out, forever serving as a reminder that an innocent man had been hanged. The handprint is still there, despite numerous attempts to get rid of it. Here’s some more background on this crazy story.

What immensely popular fictional character was loosely based on a physician and professor named Joseph Bell?

In last year’s Best Of… edition, Philadelphia Magazine shunned quizzo, despite the fact that it is way more vintage philly than, say, who sells the best handbag. So please help me out by taking five seconds and clicking here, and nominating, um, I don’t know, whoever you think is worthy. I’ll just stand off to the side here while you place your nomination. Don’t mind me. Just pretend like I’m not even here. With an “h”. That’s Johnny with an “h”. I mean, if you decide to nominate me, be sure you spell it with an “h” so there’s less confusion. I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet now. I mean, I’m sure several quizzo hosts had a quizzo bowl this year, so any one of them would be worthy of the attention lavished on them by this publication. They probably all have a website that takes pictures of the winners and occasionally everybody else. Am I thinking out loud? I’m sorry. I’ll stop. You just go ahead and vote.

You’re made aware of a website like this, cryingwhileeating.com.

Remember when we tried out for that reality show on the WB? Well, apparently none of us made it. The only local dude is from Bucks County. Here’s the details on the show, which apparently starts tomorrow:
South Philly’s Krystal Tini, 21, who wrapped her fourth season with the Sixers Dance Team, is featured on the new WB series Beauty and the Geek (premiering tomorrow at 8 p.m. on Channel 17). The show, executive-produced by Ashton Kutcher, pairs up sultry women and nerdy guys who play off the others’ strengths. Top prize: $250,000. Among the Geeks is Bill Lambing, 29, of Ottsville, Bucks County, who’s identified as the vice president of a Dukes of Hazzard fan club.

Alright, in my never ending quest to visit every town in this state with a weird name, I’m heading to Jim Thorpe today and won’t come back until tommorrow night. There are a few quick announcements. There is no quizzo on Monday night. We’re takin’ the night off for the holiday. I will be back in action on Tuesday, and as of right now, the finals in the Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes contest will take place on Tuesday night. The crowd at O’Neals (and possibly the Bards) will help me decide who will be the next JGT, and the winner will be hosting quizzo Thursday night at the Good Dog. Hope everybody’s having a good holiday weekend.

In a sickening display of soulless greed, Philadelphia’s most reviled quizmaster put in a bid on a newborn baby on EBay. “Yeah, I offered to advertise on a newborn for a month,” said an unrepentant Goodtimes. “Unfortunately, you only get to put your logo on his clothes. I had hoped to maybe write johnnygoodtimes.com in marker on his forehead or something.” When asked if he had any reservations about doing anything so ethically questionable, Goodtimes added, “Of course. I wasn’t sure if I wanted my company associated with something that poops all over itself. But it’s cheaper than advertising in the paper.”
UPDATE: Well, it looks like Goodtimes will not be advertising on the baby, as he had hoped. He went all the way up to $25 without the reserve even being met. “I ain’t spending more than $25 to put my website on that stupid baby,” says JGT. As of 11:50 a.m., the highest bidder was $100, and the reserve had still not been met. He does take credit for opening the floodgates, however. “Yeah, everybody was scared to advertise on that baby until I stepped up to the plate. I’m like Grandmaster Flash, getting the ball rolling, but never really getting the credit I deserve.”

You know that dude Brad Rutter that kicked Ken Jennings ass in Ultimate Jeopardy? Well, apparently, he’s single, and he’s got a buddy who’s trying to help him find dates. I’m not kidding! And the best part is, he lives nearby! He lives in Lancaster, but I don’t think he’s Amish.

Just thought I’d make you guys aware of this. Looks pretty kool. -John Goodtimes
Once Upon A Nation is Philadelphia’s brand-new annual summer-long celebration where engaging stories of Benjamin Franklin, Betsy Ross, James Forten, and dozens of known and unknown characters will make Philadelphia’s rich history come alive. Stories filled with human drama, love, anguish, conflict, humor, and joy will engage all age groups. These stories will combine with evening events and heritage tours to create a fun and memorable experience. History will never be the same.

RSVP to phillyfriends@gophila.com by 4:00p.m. Friday May 27, 2005.