Monthly Archives: June 2004

A couple of hot chicks were able to disprove the naysayers at Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night, as they set a new Photo Hunt record, scoring over 280,000. “This is a great day for hot chicks,” said Johnny. “I mean, a lot of people think that just because you’re hot, you can’t pick out five inconsistencies on two similar pictures of scantily clad men. This rocks that theory.” Johnny went on to say that neither chick seemed real interested in getting to know him better.

What was the name of Tonya Harding’s ex-husband who helped her take out Kerrigan?

The Goat Asses were able to get over the proverbial hump at Nick’s on Wednesday and win their first Johnny Goodtimes Spectacular. But Johnny was able to break the biggest news story in Philly this week, as it was discovered that Mary Kate Olsen, or Ashley, or Mary Ashley, or whatever the hell her name is who blows chunks or starves herself or whatever to lose weight was rehabbing at Nick’s. “We’ve got her eating three roast beefs a day, and she’s already put on like four pounds,” said Nick R. Beef, owner of the establishment. “She should be back to totally sucking in no time.”

Emphasizing a strict defense and disciplined offense, Larry Brown was able to deliver again on Monday night, leading 1022 to a 64-62 victory over Sloe Gin Quiz in the greatest defensive battle the game has ever seen. “I like to see the game played the right way,” said Brown, who got his wish, as even an enormous quad of med school students was kept at bay. The doctors of tomorrow drank three barzookas and were unable to even break 60 points in JGT Quizzo, and you’ll possibly be counting on them to save your life in a medical emergency in a few years. Something to think about.

Now that Griffey has hit the milestone, what major leaguer is now the closest to 500?