Johnny Visits Ruins, Gives Up on Mexican Women

Thursday was a big day for Mr. Goodtimes, as he visited the Mayan ruins of Tulum and Coba. But headlines were made before he departed, as he announced at an impromptu press conference in his hotel room (attended by no one) that he was giving up on Mexican women. While Johnny refused to announce any reasons behind this decision, most believed it was a decision made out of sheer frustration, as it seemed that most Mexican cuties weren’t real interested in a gringo with a wealth of useless trivia knowledge. While Johnny did concede that he hadn’t been having a lot of luck with the Mexican ladies, he refused to blame himself, instead pointing the finger at a number of other factors, including the language barrier, Hernan Cortes, and Vicente Fox. At the ruins, he climbed to the top of a 12 story pyramid at Coba, and in a sheer display of savagery, threw a family of four off the top.